


It's (going to be) alright

by janesgravity (janescott)



Series: Alright [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Mpreg, SO MUCH FLUFF, also smut, but way more fluff, casual abuse of science, no science was harmed, science would frown actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 03:33:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1211041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janescott/pseuds/janesgravity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This started out as a sort-of Firestarter bunny in another fandom, then I decided to drag it over to 1D and do it for the big bang, which I failed out of. </p>
<p>Essentially Louis has been the victim of experiments all his life that means he can fall pregnant. At 17, he's busted out and meets Zayn and then the rest sort of devolved into 24k of fluff because I have no control over my actions. </p>
<p>So, uh, pregnant Louis because of science and awesome friends who are actually family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's (going to be) alright

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks first and always to magenta for beta-ing, cheerleading, pushing me to finish it and always being positive about it. Love you lots. And to fiarra for beta-ing and being unfailingly positive about the whole thing. I literally couldn't have finished this without either of you.
> 
> Special thanks to red_adam for an excellent brit-pick, and patiently answering my questions on twitter.
> 
> Here goes nothing.

Louis has never lived anywhere else. Nowhere that he can remember, anyway. His whole life has been contained in this one room. 

His bed is pushed into the far corner, and he has never thought it strange that he’s spent his whole life sleeping on a hospital bed, or that silent nurses come and go every day, taking endless samples, checking his scars, monitoring his movements.

He’s never had anything to compare it to, so, for Louis, this is perfectly normal.

His life is contained in this one room, and he has never thought it strange.

At least, not until Eleanor started working at the Facility when he was 15. 

The other nurses never talked to him; just did what they had to do, and left. He had tutors, but all they talked to him about were the things they expected Louis to learn: reading, writing, maths and, later on a kind of history that they tried to persuade Louis was the truth.

He believed them, for the most part; that the world was ending slowly; that there were fewer and fewer people - fewer and fewer women. 

He didn’t understand why this last was important until he was about 12, when one of the nurses - one of the nurses who never, ever spoke to him - sat him down and told him in frightening detail all about men, women, sex and why he was so very important to the Facility and to the Movement.

Louis was - as he was told that day and after that over and over again by his tutors - part of a New Wave. A revolutionary child who would - when fully grown - be part of the Wave that would completely change the face of the world.

He had no idea what that meant. What he _did_ know was that his very first memory is of waking up groggy and dizzy from surgery and that from that time - when he was about four years old until now - he has had untold numbers of surgeries.

Whatever this … New Wave was, all it meant to Louis was pain.

Pain and isolation.

And then Eleanor.

Eleanor had kind eyes and long brown hair that she kept in a thick plait to keep it out of the way. And she _talked_ to Louis; talked to him like he was anyone at all, and it made Louis feel … special.

He tried not to want it - to want a friend, someone to just _talk_ to him, but once Eleanor smiled at him and said hello before she took his bloods - he _craved_ it; needed it.

So he’d let her in, let her become his friend and they’d formed an odd, fragile kind of bond.

And now, two years later, Louis is looking around his familiar room - at the wreckage of it - and he can _taste_ the lies the Facility has been feeding him on his tongue. He grits his teeth to resist the urge to spit them out, curls up on his bed and waits.

He can’t see much out of his little room; the windows are too small and too high and there’s only one door, but he can _hear_ the shouting, and the running, and the - he winces when he hears loud boom after boom, for which he has no context.

He grits his teeth and he waits. Eleanor promised that she would come and get him out, and he hangs on to that because, at this stage, what else does he have left?

He just hopes that she gets to him first.

After what feels like an eternity of waiting, Louis’s door opens. He takes a long breath and lets it out, braced for he doesn’t know what, but it’s Eleanor and he lets it out in a rush. 

She glances behind her at something then turns back to him, offering a smile that Louis supposes is meant to reassure him.

“Come on, love. We have to go _now_. Have you got your stuff?”

Louis slides off the bed and picks up a battered backpack that he’s filled with clothes, his toothbrush and a couple of very battered paperbacks that were gifts from Eleanor. He settles the bag on his back and nods.

“I’m ready,” he says, even though he has no idea what he’s ready _for_.

“Come on,” Eleanor says quietly, leading Louis out into the corridor. “It’s only a matter of time before they come looking for you, but the fire should keep them busy for a bit longer.”

“Fire?”

Eleanor smiles, and it’s nothing like the warmth-filled smiles she gives Louis. It’s small, cold and it doesn’t reach her eyes. “The fire I set in the labs. Come on, Louis, we have to move. My friend Dani is waiting at the boundary.”

“The - “ Louis stops, and feels his heart beating in his ears. “El… I can’t - I -”

They both flinch as a loud boom echoes around them.

“Honey, I know you’re scared, I know you’ve never been _anywhere_ but this place is collapsing so fast, I need you to trust me, do you trust me?”

Louis adjusts the straps of his backpack and nods without hesitation.

“Good, good. Here, take my hand. Come on. Dani’s waiting.”

Later, Louis barely remembers the journey through the maze of corridors that led away from his only home. The only thing he really remembers is the feel of El’s hand in his and then the rare treat of fresh air on his face. 

He wants to pause to take it in, but there’s another explosion, and there’s a silent deadly glow of orange on the skyline. They both pause to take that in and Louis is surprised to find that he’s crying. He reaches his free hand up to his face and touches his wet cheeks.

Eleanor wraps an arm around his shoulders and just holds him for a moment. He takes a deep breath, drawing from her silent strength.

“Come on, Lou. We have to go.”

Louis nods, and turns his back on the only home he’s ever had, the heat of the distant fire like heated fingers on his back.

They make for the line of trees growing near the Facility’s boundary fence and Eleanor moves along it, muttering under her breath. Louis sticks close, his gaze flickering around the now-dark grounds of the facility.

He can feel his blood pounding in his ears and he forces himself to take a deep breath, and then another, as Eleanor lets out a small, quiet cry of triumph.

“Found it! C’mon, Louis, through here.”

There’s a small, ancient door in the fence that Eleanor has managed to wedge open. Louis stares at the small slice of shadow in the gap, and looks back at the Facility.

“Louis…” Eleanor puts her hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “I know this is - big, for you, but you can’t stay here, you know that, yeah? They’ll kill you, whoever’s left. And - and me. All of - this will disappear like it never happened.”

Louis turns back to Eleanor and studies the door. He feels young, and scared suddenly, a shiver going through his body despite the warm night.

“All right,” he says quietly, slipping the backpack off his back so he can push it through the doorway and follow after. He waits until Eleanor has slipped through and pushed the door back in place before saying quietly, “What now?”

Eleanor frowns and seems to be searching for something in the small lane. She blows out a breath when she sees headlights flash on and off briefly, grabbing Louis’s hand again.

“This way, come on. Dani’s waiting.”

Louis lets himself be led down the unfamiliar lane, doing his best to keep up with Eleanor, the straps of the pack rubbing against his shoulders. It seems to take forever to get to whatever’s waiting for them at the end of the lane.

It turns out to be a small car, and there’s a woman sitting on the bonnet, She slides off when she sees Eleanor and gives her a long, wordless hug.

“Dani, this is Louis. Louis, this is my friend Dani. You - you’ll be going with her now.”

Louis frowns at that, picking apart what Eleanor’s just told him.

“But - El - what about you? Aren’t you coming with us?”

Dani looks between them and gives Eleanor a quick hug. 

“I’ll wait in the car, El. You - take care of yourself. Let us know you’re all right as soon as you can.”

Eleanor just nods, and Louis is pretty sure he can see tears on her cheeks.

“El, please. What did you mean?”

“I, um. I’m not coming with you, Louis. I think - I think it’s too dangerous, especially if - if some of the others get away tonight. You’ll be safe with Dani and Liam. You’ll stay with them for a while, okay? They’re - they’re nice people - “

“El.” Louis swallows hard, his own voice sounds as strained as El’s and he knows they’re both trying to hold back tears.

“I’ve - I tried, Lou, to prepare you as best I could. That’s what - all the books, and, and the tapes, and everything else. The rest - from now on - it’s up to you, Louis.”

Louis, nods, not trusting his voice as his throat closes with tears.

“Here, come here.” Eleanor wraps her arms around him in a tight hug, and it’s all Louis can do not to cry his eyes out on her shoulder.

“I - El - I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispers so quietly he’s not sure if she’s heard him.

El tightens her arms for a moment before stepping back.

“Yes, you can, Lou. Go with Dani now; live a brilliant life. And here - take this.”

Louis looks down as El presses a small rectangle of plastic into his hand.

“It’s -everything I could get. Give it to Dani, she’ll know what to do with it. I - I have to go, Louis. I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave you, but I have to. You _can_ do this.”

And with that - with nothing more than a swift kiss on his cheek - El’s gone into the night; gone god-knows-where.

Louis takes a deep breath, curls his hand around the small rectangle and heads towards Dani, and for whatever else is lying in wait for him out there.

“Here,” he says, shyly, holding out his hand. “El said to give this to you - that - you’d know what to do with it.”

Dani looks down at Louis’s hand and smiles, taking the small square of plastic.

“Brilliant, she’s brilliant, isn’t she? C’mon, get in the car, we have to get out of here _now_.”

As if to emphasise her point, the sky lights up again, blazing orange in the distance. Louis grips the straps of his backpack and just stares for a moment, unable to move.

“Hey,” Dani says from just behind him, her voice gentle. “Come on, Louis, okay? Come on, just - get in the car please …”

Louis turns then, blinking back more tears. Part of him just wants to race back to the Facility, to the comfort of the only home he’s ever had, even as it’s burning to the ground.

But. El. He swallows the lump in his throat and blinks hard. If he goes back, then it undermines everything El’s done for him during the past two years - nearly all of her actions, he realises suddenly, have been preparing him for this day, and he wonders how well he truly knows her.

“All - all right,” he says, his voice tight. “I’m coming.”

“Good, great, yes, come on, babe we need to get out of here,” Dani says, babbling as she takes Louis’s backpack from him and slings it into the backseat of the car. Louis slides into the front seat as Dani holds the door open.

He fumbles with the seatbelt for a bit before managing to get it in place, half-smiling at the thought of the ridiculous TV jingles El used to smuggle in for him to watch.

“TV ads are terrible, terrible things, Lou. But they’re a great way to learn things about the world quickly. Well, mostly about Starbucks and how terrible Lynx ads are and that sex sells but -”

Louis sighs to himself as Dani settles in the driver’s seat, buckles her own belt and starts the car.

“I’m going to keep the lights off for a bit. They won’t hear us over all that noise and chaos but I don’t want to risk the lights.”

Louis nods, feeling adrenalin draining from his system, leaving him feeling tired and sore. He shifts in his seat and sighs when he realises he’s not going to get any more comfortable.

“You okay?” Dani asks as they speed silently along the barely-more than a lane.

Louis nods. “Just. Tired. And, uh, my scars. Couple of the more recent ones. Itchy.”

He yawns then, widely, and rubs his eyes.

“Oh - I never even thought of that, I’m sorry!! When we get to our flat, my boyfriend, Liam, will look at them for you all right? He’s a nurse, that’s how we met El, they worked at the same hospital for a while before El took the job at the Facility. But, Liam’s like, a surgical nurse, so he can take care of them for you, if that’s all right …”

Louis leans his head against the window, completely exhausted. He nods and mumbles something, too tired to form words.

“Close your eyes, Louis. We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead of us, get some sleep, yeah? You must be knackered.”

It’s like a signal to Louis’s brain, as he sighs, closes his eyes and lets the quiet rumble of the car’s engine send him off to sleep.

He wakes with a startled jolt, his heart racing, feeling slightly disorientated until he realises he’s in a car - then everything comes back to him in a rush. He takes a deep breath, rubs at his eyes and turns to face Dani.

“Hey,” she says softly. “You okay?”

Louis nods and licks his lips, grimacing as his tongue scrapes over them feeling dry and tacky.

“Thirsty,” he says, his voice raspy.

Dani nods and opens her car door. “Well, we’re here. Our building has an underground car park, which is great, really. It’s something like 4am but Liam’s waiting up, so -”

Louis nods as Dani’s voice fades away through the echo chamber of the car park. There are brilliant fluorescent lights everywhere and Louis can feel his eyes watering slightly. He blinks, takes his bag out of the back of the car, and hurries to catch up with Dani, standing by a lift.

They ride up together in silence, Dani leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and her skin looking almost grey with fatigue. Louis bites his lip and adjusts the strap of his bag on his back. He wants to apologise for making Dani go through all of this, but he doesn’t really know what to say so he keeps quiet.

His head is reeling, his eyes feel gritty and his latest surgical scar is pulling and painful.

“Here we are,” Dani says when the lift comes to a stop and the doors hush open. 

Wordlessly, Louis follows her to the end of the corridor, where she fumbles in her pocket before pulling out a set of keys.

“This is me and Liam, and Zayn, when he’s here. He’s off overseas at the moment, backpacking with his best friends from home. Harry and Niall live across the hall, you’ll meet them tomorrow, because I need to give the drive to Niall …. come on, come meet Liam, and I’ll get you some water yeah?”

Louis just nods and follows Dani into the flat. 

His first impression - the one that he carries with him always - is of warmth, and comfort. The door opens into a small foyer where Dani stops to take off her shoes, so Louis does the same thing, carefully putting his bag on the floor beside it. 

She leads him then into a living room, which makes Louis sigh and he feels something of the tension of the past few hours seep out of his shoulders.

He doesn’t know what it is, except that it exudes an air of comfort and security - there are two large couches in the middle of the room, facing a large TV, and much of the rest of the space is dominated by bookcases, messily overflowing with books and DVDs.

There are photos everywhere, and what looks like artwork dotted around. Louis is so absorbed in taking everything in that he almost misses when Dani moves away from him to be gathered in the arms of someone Louis hadn’t seen.

“You’re back, are you alright?” He’s running his hands up and down Dani’s arms, and Louis guesses that this is Liam.

“We’re fine, we’re good.” Dani reaches up and kisses Liam quickly, turning back to Louis.

“Come on, come in. It’s all right. This is Liam, I told you about him. Liam, this is Louis.”

Liam turns from Dani to study Louis’s face, offering a small smile.

Dani squeezes Liam’s arm again and disappears towards the back of the flat.

Louis looks down at his feet, then to the side, shifting. He’s exhausted, and in pain and he’s not quite sure what to do.

Liam moves forward a little and studies his face. “You must be tired,” he says, echoing Louis’s thoughts as Dani comes back with a glass of water that she hands to Louis.

He takes it, says “thank you” quietly and drains half of it in one go.

“Would you let Liam check your scars do you think?”

Louis looks down at his glass again, shifting as he feels the pull of the scar tissue again.

“I um, sure.” Liam’s a nurse, Louis remembers, and he’s dealt with plenty of those.

“I had, um, my last, I guess, surgeries a couple of weeks ago, and um, the scar is a bit itchy?”

Liam just nods when Louis looks back up at him. “Well, you need sleep, but I’ll take a look at it first for you, make sure it’s healing and there’s no infection setting in. Come on into the bathroom, the light will be better there.”

Liam has gentle hands, taking care with Louis as he picks apart his most recent dressing. Louis stands still, staring around the bathroom, as Liam works.

He’s used to this; used to being poked at and prodded by nurses and doctors. it feels - sometimes - like his body doesn’t belong to him anymore; as though he somehow gave up his right to it years ago. 

He looks down as Liam applies a smaller dressing, carefully taping down the edges. He’s frowning and biting his lip as he concentrates, tapping it gently here and there until he’s satisfied. He hands Louis back his shirt and looks up, smiling.

“Well, it looks good from here. No infection, and it’s healing nicely.”

Louis just nods and then sways on his feet, blinking suddenly as a wave of exhaustion washes over him. 

“God, you must be shattered. I think Dani’s already gone to bed … come on, I’ll show you your room. We can talk more tomorrow.”

Louis doesn’t remember much about the room that Liam leads him to - he registers that it’s kind of small, and the mattress feels odd under his back. He shifts around, frowning.

“Alright, mate?” Liam’s come back in with Louis’s bag that he drops at the end of the bed.

“I, uh, yeah. I mean, the bed feels kind of weird? Like it’s too soft or something.” Louis bites his lip, wondering if he sounds like he’s complaining.

“I mean - it’s not bad, it’s just - not what I’m used to?”

Liam nods and rubs a hand through his hair. “Right, I bet you had a hospital bed - thin mattress, lever for moving it up and down, all that?”

Louis nods at that. “Um. Yeah.”

Liam smiles at him then, and awkwardly pats his leg. “Don’t worry about it too much. You’ll get used to this one, and I bet you’re so tired right now you could sleep anywhere.”

Louis is about to answer, but he’s caught out on a massive yawn.

Liam pats his leg again. “Sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Louis nods, feeling his eyes drooping as the last of the adrenaline from his headlong flight leaves his limbs. He contemplates taking off his trousers, but it seems like too much effort, so he just crawls under the covers as is.

He’s asleep before Liam quietly shuts the door.

Liam takes a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fist. If he closes his eyes, he can see the road map of scars on Louis’s skin - Louis, who is _seventeen_ …

Liam shakes his head and makes his way to his own room, letting the sadness wash through him; and the heavy relief that Dani’s okay.

She’s sitting up in bed, a book open, but Liam knows she’s not reading.

“Babe, you should be asleep, it’s like 5am or something.”

Dani glances up and puts her bookmark in place before setting the book aside.

“I tried. Couldn’t settle properly. How’s Louis?”

Liam sighs as he moves around the room, discarding his jeans and t-shirt carelessly in the corner before sliding under the covers.

“Asleep. He’s exhausted. Dani - his - he’s got so many scars.” 

Liam looks down at his own hands, hands that he uses every day in his job to soothe and to heal, and wonders if he could have done what El did. He’s not sure.

“He’s - he’s seventeen, Dani. He should be - should be in school, worrying about his A-levels, flirting with pretty girls - “

“Boys,” Dani says as she slides one hand over Liam’s clenched fingers. “El said something to me once; he should be flirting with pretty boys.”

“Boys then,” Liam says, half-shrugging. “It’s just - it’s so _wrong_.”

“Babe, I know, I do, but he’s here now; he’s out of it. El worked so hard to get him out of there and yeah, okay, I know he had a shitty turn before he got here, but we can help him turn that around you know? We’re surrounded by pretty boys, he can flirt all he likes, and we can show him - well, everything.”

Liam looks up then, as Dani flings her arms out to indicate - the world, Liam thinks, maybe. He laughs as the tension leaches from his shoulders and neck.

“I love you,” he says, reaching out for her.

“I love you too. Now. Sleep. C’mon big spoon, I need you.”

Liam falls asleep muffling a laugh into the back of Dani’s neck. 

When Louis wakes up, he has no idea where he is. The room is dark, and the mattress under him feels unfamiliar. He lies still, staring at the thin curtains over the single window until the events of the previous night return to him.

He’s … free? He frowns as he tests the word in his head, then against the back of his teeth. He says it softly into the quiet dark of the room. 

“Free,” he says to the curtains, to the dark, feeling his teeth dig into his bottom lip. 

Louis has no idea what to do. He’s used to being woken up by nurses, by his tutors, occasionally by doctors if he’s just had a surgery. 

He sits up when he hears a knock on the door, frowning. 

“Uh, come in?” 

Louis relaxes slightly when Liam pokes his head around the door

“Hey. I thought I’d check and see if you were awake - are you hungry?”

Louis is about to say no, that he’s fine, when his stomach growls loud enough for Liam to hear it. He bites his lip in embarrassment but Liam just laughs.

“Come on. Uh, Harry and Niall are already here, if you’re comfortable meeting more people? Harry’s making pancakes.”

“Um - that’s. That’s okay? I’ll be out in a minute Just uh, need to use the loo and that.”

Liam smiles again and says, “sure” before closing the door again.

Louis blinks and bites his lip. He wishes El was here, so he could ask her how he’s doing, talking to people who aren’t doctors or nurses or tutors.

He chews his lip a bit longer, then slides out of bed, grimacing at the tug of the dressing covering his last scar. He’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday and he feels rumpled and unsettled. He wants to have a shower and change into clean clothes, but he doesn’t know how to go about it. 

Louis sighs and pushes a hand through his hair, blinking and shifting from one foot to the other. He’s busting, so he goes to take care of that first, and avoids looking at himself in the mirror when he washes his hands.

He lingers, shifting and bunching the towel under his fingers, before sighing.

Well. He - he can’t stay in here all day. Biting his lip again, Louis opens the bathroom door and makes his way down a short hallway towards the sound of jumbled voices.

He finds them in the kitchen - there’s Dani and Liam, sitting side by side at a large wooden table Louis hadn’t noticed the night before. Over by the bench is a man stirring something in a bowl. He’s laughing, and his head is turned towards the person beside him. 

Louis watches silently for a moment, finding himself wanting to smile, but feeling a sudden, strange ache deep down. 

Liam and Dani are talking softly, their heads close together with Liam flicking a glance at the two by the bench every so often. The one stirring - he’s got a mess of curly hair and a broad back poorly hidden by a thin, stretched t-shirt - keeps snatching glances at the man beside him, who’s got a hand low on his back, even as he leans over the bowl, laughing loud and bright suddenly.

Dani looks up then, and jumps from her seat when sees Louis lingering in the doorway

“You’re up! How are you feeling? Come and sit down, Harry’s making pancakes, do you like pancakes?”

Louis smiles uncertainly at Dani as she leads him to a seat before taking her own again. He glances at Liam who smiles encouragingly, which makes Louis relax a little bit

“Um. I don’t know - I’ve never had pancakes.”

The man with the curly hair - Harry, Louis realises, since Liam said Harry was the one doing the cooking - whirls around, his eyes wide.

“You’ve never - you’ve never had pancakes? That’s - that’s terrible, I have to start over.”

“Uh, no that’s okay - “

But Harry’s already talking over him.

“No, no. That’s. If you’ve never had them, then I have to make you the best pancakes ever. I’m Harry by the way. This is Niall,” Harry waves a wooden spoon covered in batter in Niall’s direction who lets out a loud “hey!” when it flies into his hair.

Harry just shrugs and grins before leaning over to kiss Niall lightly on the lips.

“Go sit, or make some tea or something. I can’t make the best pancakes in the world with you hovering and distracting me.”

Niall just laughs and moves around Harry to fill a kettle, setting it to boil before sitting down across from Louis.

“Oh, Niall - here.” Dani reaches across the table and hands Niall what Louis realises is the memory stick El had given Dani the night before. Niall takes it and turns it over in his hand. “Thanks. Can I use your laptop?”

“Yeah, bring it in here,” Liam says around a mouthful of pancakes. “S’in the living room.”

Louis smiles at Harry as he places a heaped plate of pancakes in front of him. 

“Um. Thanks,” Louis says quietly, picking up the fork beside the plate and cutting off a precise slice. He takes a bite, fighting off a blush under Harry’s eager gaze.

“S’good,” he mumbles as best he can, because it is. They’re light and fluffy and warm and Louis is pretty sure he’d be happy to never eat anything else.

Harry grins at that, a wide, bright smile that brings out dimples in his cheeks and Louis has to swallow so he can grin back. 

Niall comes back into the kitchen, placing a laptop on the table before sitting down and inserting the memory stick into the side. He clatters at the keys for a moment, mumbling to himself. Harry pulls up a chair beside him and Louis feels suddenly scared, though he doesn’t know why. He puts his fork down and wipes his suddenly clammy hands on the front of his tracksuit bottoms. 

“Okay. Jesus, El was thorough. This has … everything. Records, financials … _medical_ records …” Niall looks up then, at Louis, blinking. “Your records, actually. Mate … I don’t know what to say. This is …”

Harry leans over and places a hand on the back of Niall’s neck. “Let’s not freak him out all at once babe, yeah? Keep going.”

Niall blinks and glances down at the screen again. “Right. Yeah. Sorry. I just. I wasn’t expecting … this.”

Liam pushes his chair back then, frowning as he gets up and makes his way over to Harry and Niall. Louis looks down at his lap, watching his hands clench and unclench in his lap.

“Hey. Hey, Louis, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Dani reaches out and takes one of his hands in hers, stopping his rhythmic clenching. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? El just wanted us - and you - to have the full story. She thought you deserved that. But if you’re not ready - then - that’s okay too. You’ve been through a lot.”

Louis looks up, meeting Dani’s kind gaze. He manages a small smile, and nods.

“Yeah, I know, thanks. I guess it’s all just - catching up with me. I don’t - I don’t think I’m ready to look?”

Liam glances up then, frowning but his face clears as he looks at Louis. “Do you mind if I look, Louis? I’m sorry, I should have asked you first.”

Louis shrugs, slightly confused - no one’s ever asked his permission for, well, anything before.

“Uh. It’s fine, by me. You can all look, I don’t mind.”

Liam sighs at that and bites his lip before turning back to the screen.

Louis looks down at his lap again, his appetite completely gone.

“Can you - save it Niall? Just - while we work out what to do.”

Niall nods, and he’s about to save the file and close the laptop when something catches Liam’s eye. He frowns, and blinks, shaking his head.

“Louis, I’m about to look at your medical records. You may not realise, but that’s supposed to be confidential. I won’t go further without your permission.”

Liam looks over at Louis, who looks so damn _small_ and he has to clench his teeth against the useless rage that washes through him.

Louis’s eyes look … faded almost as he looks up at Liam. “It’s okay, Liam. Um - if it’s alright - can I go and have a nap? I’m pretty tired still.”

“Yeah, come on love. I’ll show you where the towels and stuff are, in case you want a shower when you get up.”

Louis smiles at Dani and follows her out of the kitchen. 

Liam rubs his hand over his short hair and digs his fingers into his scalp.

“You alright Liam?”

Harry’s voice breaks into the loop of Liam’s thoughts and he merely nods before taking a seat beside Niall and pulling the laptop towards him.

“Yeah, Harry. I just. This whole thing - it makes me angry, you know?”

“Yeah,” Niall says softly, watching Harry as he goes to turn the kettle back on, taking mugs out of the cupboard and making tea.

“When do you go back to work?” Harry asks, as he places a steaming mug beside Liam’s hand. Liam blinks and shakes his head, feeling like he’s waking up from some terrible dream.

“Um - Tuesday. I wanted to take a few days off, you know. Glad I did,” he mutters as he scrolls through Louis’s medical records. Louis has had years of surgeries, which Liam could sort of tell from the scars, but the _depths_ these people sunk to …. he’s vaguely aware of Harry and Niall telling him they’ll see him later before he starts reading again.

 

Dani keeps her hand on Louis’s back, a gentle touch that he finds calming as she helps him settle back into bed, leaving a stack of towels on the small desk under the window.

“I’m … sorry,” he says quietly, his eyes already closing.

“It’s all right Louis. I know it looks scary and … large right now, but you’ll see. It’ll be alright.”

Louis is asleep before Dani quietly closes the door.

Over the next few weeks, Louis sleeps a lot. Liam explains that it’s his body healing and adjusting to Louis’s new life; that because he’s naturally more active now, it takes his system a while to catch up.

Louis nods at this, because it makes sense, even as his eyes start glazing over again. 

He has a lot of conversations with Liam as his system adjusts, ranging from football (a sport El introduced him to at the Facility, but one he’d never been able to play before now) to music, to politics to how Louis is doing.

Louis opens up slowly to Liam at first, but all he ever sees in Liam’s eyes is an open, kind friendship and he finds himself responding to that friendship like a man drawn to a desert oasis.

Dani and Harry take him shopping and essentially buy him a whole new wardrobe. 

Louis is hesitant and overwhelmed at first, but Harry just takes over and uses his charm to get a shop to shut for half an hour so Louis can try things on without hyperventilating in the dressing room.

He studies the new clothes on his bed as Harry chatters on to Liam and Niall about what they bought, feeling like he should give something back to these amazing people, who just took him in on El’s word, and folded him in like he’s always been there.

He feels Liam’s hand on the back of his neck and leans back into it, feeling more at ease straight away.

“Alright Lou?”

Louis swallows, but nods after a moment. “Yeah I’m good. It’s just - you’re all doing so much for me and it gets - it’s a lot.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, just rubs the back of Louis’s neck for a moment, and Louis … he breathes and feels for the first time that maybe he’s going to be okay. 

“Group hug!!” Niall shouts before launching himself at Liam and Louis, and all Louis can do, on the bottom of the pile, is laugh.

They all sort themselves out, and Louis stretches out on the floor of his room, spreading his arms and legs as wide as he can and grinning at Harry upside down.

His life has taken turns lately that he could never have predicted but he thinks he’s never been happier.

“You alright?” Harry asks, but there’s laughter in his voice and Louis just grins and nods.

“Yeah, yeah, m’all right Harry. I just. I need a moment?”

Harry nods and nudges at his side gently with his toe.

“Okay, babe. I think Niall invited us to stay for dinner, and volunteered me to cook, even though it’s blatantly unfair to make me cook on my day off.”

Louis pulls himself up to a sitting position and laughs lightly at Harry’s pout.

“You’ll do it anyway,” he points out, because Harry will do anything for Niall, including cook on his nights off from the restaurant he’s been a sous chef at for a couple of years.

“Fine, fine.”

“I’ll be out in a few, Harry. I’m fine. I’m … I’m good.”

The next few weeks pass in much the same way; and Louis feels himself unravelling a little bit, but not in a bad way - in, maybe, the best way.

He still has bad days, and worse nights sometimes, when the only thing that works is shutting himself away in his room, away from the sensory overload of this new life. The nightmares come in waves, unexpected and unwelcome. They leave Louis a shaking mess, and the only thing that can pull him back from that is the safety that Liam represents now - strong arms and calm words, and Liam treating Louis like a little brother.

It’s rocky, but as the band on Louis’s favourite song says (as Harry says, he has a lot of catching up to do); it’s getting better all the time.

He settles, and starts absorbing the world like a wide-eyed sponge. He reads as much as he can, and learns that Niall is always up for a pick-up game of football at the park; that when Liam’s not around for his darker moments, Harry will just fold his long arms around him until it passes; that Dani tucks into the corners that El is missing from in a way that Louis doesn’t quite understand, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to get through his days without any of them. 

And then - when his new world is finally steady; when Louis feels like his place in it is solid … Zayn comes home.

And everything changes.

Zayn has - so far - just been an abstract for Louis - a picture on Liam’s phone, or a mention in passing when Harry talks about his school days. Louis doesn’t think much about it; too busy soaking up as much of life and freedom as he can. He feels as though he’s finally living his life in light and sunshine and it feels _good_.

Then, one night, he gets up at 2am for a middle of the night snack to quiet his growling stomach, and his life turns on the head of a pin. 

He hears the door opening and closing from the kitchen and freezes on the spot, holding his breath. Rationally he knows it’s unlikely to be a burglar, or someone from the Facility, but he feels his heart rate accelerate and his mouth go dry even as whoever it is makes their way towards the kitchen where Louis has switched on the light.

And. Oh. 

It takes him a minute, but he realises quickly that this must be Zayn. Louis blinks and stares as the adrenaline drains out of his system. He must, he thinks vaguely, look like an absolute muppet but he can’t for the life of him force words past the sudden lump in his throat.

Zayn, for his part, pushes a hand through his hair and raises an eyebrow.

“All right there, mate? Sorry, I must’ve given you a bit of a start just now. Was just going to sneak off to bed, but I saw the light on and thought maybe Liam or Dani was up …”

Louis shakes himself then, shocking himself out of stasis. He can deal with the fact that Zayn might be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen in his sheltered existence later. Right now, he needs to remember what words do.

“Uh, no, sorry just. Um. Me. Louis. I’m Louis.” He stops himself there by biting his lip, but Zayn just laughs, which doesn’t help really because it lights up his whole face and makes Louis want to grin back like some kind of lunatic.

“Yeah, I got that. Liam’s told me a lot about you.”

“I. Oh. Okay. Good?”

Zayn smiles at that, his eyes catching the light and even though he looks bloody exhausted now that Louis is past his initial shock and can take stock better - it still sets his heart racing.

“Yeah, mate. It’s good. All good.”

Louis grins himself at that and ducks his head before turning awkwardly on his heel.

“I, uh, I was going to make a sandwich or something. You want anything?”

He opens the fridge and begins rummaging for what he needs. 

“Mmmm? Oh, nah, mate that’s fine. I could slaughter a cup of tea, though.”

Louis puts the sandwich ingredients down on the table and catches Zayn’s eyes flicking down and then up and … he wants to ask if Zayn was just looking at his bum, but it already feels too intimate; too overwhelming; so he just turns and fills the kettle, setting it on to boil.

They sit at the table in an oddly comfortable silence. Louis eats his sandwich while Zayn drinks his tea, and it’s … it’s nice.

Zayn props his head on his hand and blinks slowly, and god Louis can’t look away from the movement of his eyelids, and the shadows his spiky eyelashes cast on his cheeks …

“Um. I. Um. I should. Um. Go back to bed?”

Zayn nods slowly and offers a small smile. “I’ll see you in the morning, I guess. It’s good to finally put a voice to Liam’s descriptions. He’s proud of you, you know.”

Louis ducks his head, not sure how to process that, so he just offers a smile and a quiet good night before slipping out of the kitchen.

The next morning, the flat is noisy as Liam and Dani discover that Zayn had sneaked in the night before. Liam can’t stop grinning and the noise level ratchets up a few hours later when Niall and Harry get home from work and immediately come over to join the pile.

Louis pulls himself back a little, watching as Zayn slots himself back into everyone else’s life as though he’d never been away. Louis shifts his shoulders and frowns as he feels something unpleasant, almost, curling at the bottom of his stomach. He sits back in the armchair he’s curled up in, watching as Zayn holds the others in the palm of his hand with a long, colourful story about getting lost somewhere in the French countryside, and Louis flushes when he realises that he’s _jealous_.

He’s had months of being at the centre of everyone’s attention - he’s been petted and praised and been the focus of the others for so long that now that he’s not, suddenly, he’s jealous.

He bites his lip and flicks a glance at Zayn, who’s shot him a quick look in the middle of his story, one eyebrow raised. And it’s a small, unnoticeable moment, really but it feels … important somehow. It feels like this is the pivot on which the future of his and Zayn’s relationship could rest. He could pout and flounce, and demand that Liam shift his focus away from Zayn and back to Louis, and cause a rift, or he can draw into the group; into his - his _family_.

Louis offers Zayn a small smile and uncurls himself from the chair, pushing himself to lean forward and listen. He’s rewarded by a blinding grin from Zayn and a smaller - but just as warm - smile from Liam. 

Louis loves his new life; his new freedom. Loves that Liam and Dani treat him like a favourite little brother, and that he has Harry and Niall across the hall for when everything gets just too much. Loves that Liam knows where to come looking for him, and that Harry knows just how to wrap his arms around Louis when he has a particularly bad day but can’t articulate _why_.

Zayn … Zayn sets Louis’s fragile new world on its axis in ways he’s not quite ready to come to terms with. Zayn makes his fingertips tingle and his heart race and on some level, Louis knows it’s because he finds Zayn attractive, but he can’t sort out the tangle it causes in his stomach every time Zayn looks at him.

“Mate, you’ve been looking at that record sleeve for 10 minutes. D’you forget where K comes in the alphabet?”

Louis jumps and manages to force a laugh. He’s been working at Harry’ friend Ed’s second-hand record store part-time for a couple of weeks and he’s loving it. Loves finding new music and interacting with people outside of his family, and earning his own money, but he feels like Zayn is starting to overshadow everything that Louis has now - without even trying.

“Uh, sorry. I was daydreaming?”

Ed just shrugs and takes the album from Louis’s hands, carefully slotting it into place before turning the “open” sign to “closed” and tilting his head towards the back room.

“You look like a young man with a heavy burden,” Ed says in explanation as he leads Louis behind the counter and into the tiny break room. “I’ll make tea, and you can sit for fifteen minutes and decide whether to unburden yourself. Or do you want me to call one of the others?”

Louis takes a seat and watches as Ed goes about making tea before handing Louis a mug and taking the only other chair in the miniature room.

Ed tilts his chair back, as calm as always and Louis lets out a deep breath. He knows Ed won’t push if Louis doesn’t want to talk, and it’s kind of relaxing after the sometimes overwhelming concern that Liam shows. Louis chews on his bottom lip for a moment before coming to an abrupt decision.

“How do you know …. how do you know if you like someone? I mean - “ Louis stops talking, feeling his face and ears flush hot as he takes an embarrassed sip of tea.

Ed tilts his chair back down and studies Louis silently for a moment. 

“I don’t really … I don’t know how it’s meant to feel.” Louis’s voice is quiet and he studies his tea with great concentration as Ed hums in thought.

“I guess you don’t have a baseline for this, really do you? Hmmmmmm. Well, how do you feel when they’re around? Different from how you feel around, say, Liam or Dani? It’s not Liam is it? Because dude, Liam’s great and all but …”

Louis laughs and bites his lip, looking up. “No, it’s not Liam. Liam’s been like a brother to me.”

“Okay, good. So - how do they make you feel?”

Louis pauses and turns his head as the shop door opens and closes.

“Back here, babe,” Ed calls out after he pokes his head out.

Louis watches as Ed’s girlfriend Taylor makes her way to the back room, a paper bag dangling from one hand.

“Why’s the door locked? Is it secret boy business? Or can I join in?”

Ed stands up laughing, taking the bag from her hand and rummaging in it, pulling out a muffin. He breaks it in half, hands part to Louis and hands the bag back to Taylor before sitting down and tugging her on to his lap.

“Well, sort of,” Ed says around a mouthful of muffin. “But it’s not my story really. Louis?”

Louis sighs and picks at his own half of the muffin, suddenly absorbed. 

“You’re going to have to open the shop again soon,” he points out.

Ed shrugs. “Yeah, yeah. But first, share with the group young padawan. Take advantage of our collective wisdom.”

Louis snorts as Taylor rolls her eyes and feels something loosen in his shoulders.

“Young Louis here has a crush, I believe,” Ed says. “We were talking about our _feelings_.”

Taylor wrinkles her nose as she digs into her own muffin. “Ew, boy feelings.”

Ed pokes her in the side. “Hush, we’re being _helpful_. I asked Louis how he felt around said crush and Louis was about to answer when you rudely interrupted.”

“I brought muffins,” Taylor says. “You can’t have a conversation about crushes without food. It’s like I have ESPN!”

Louis raises a hand to his mouth and stifles a giggle. Ed shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Stop quoting Mean Girls, honestly.”

Taylor just sticks her tongue out at Ed and laughs.

“Alright boys. I’ll reopen the store and mind the till while you talk about your feelings.”

Ed tilts his face up as Taylor gets off his lap and gives him a peck on the cheek.

“And this is why I love you best of all.”

Taylor rolls her eyes and pats Louis on the shoulder before leaving, pulling the door closed as far as she can.

“Right. Where were we.”

“Um.” Louis puts his empty mug on the floor and rubs his hands over his jeans. “Feelings?”

“Right padawan. Feelings. How does this crush make you feel?”

Louis sighs and tilts his head back, suddenly absorbed in a large grey cobweb in the corner of the ceiling. “I don’t … know how to say it properly? I get, my fingers tingle and my heart races a bit and I keep staring like a muppet because I know as soon as I open my mouth I’m going to say something stupid and I’m just - “

Louis tilts his chair back down, suddenly angry for a reason he can’t pinpoint. “I’m just some young - _freak_ of a science experiment with too many scars and I’ve never even kissed a boy and he’s - he’s he deserves better.”

He snaps his mouth shut and touches his face, frowning when he feels that his cheeks are wet.

“Shit.” He muffles the word in his sleeve as he rubs it under his nose.

“Hey. Louis. Hey, kid look at me come on.” Ed’s voice is gentle and soft and Louis takes a deep breath before he raises his head and meets Ed’s concerned gaze.

“One. You are not a freak and I never want to hear you call yourself that again and if I do, I will call Liam and you will have to endure his hurt face. Do you want to do that? Think of the Liam!! Two. The shit that you went through - _none of that is on you_. That’s on the fuckers that decided it was okay to _experiment on a child_. Three. Your mission, padawan, and you have no fucking choice - is when your shift is over, go home, make yourself pretty, put on some tight jeans, go to your crush and lay it all out. The worst that will happen, if they’re a decent person, is that they’ll let you down gently and you’ll have some hurt feelings for a while.”

Louis stares at Ed and blinks. “Um. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk that much. Wow.”

Ed raises his eyebrows and says “It’s true I’m usually a man of few words. But. I’m right, about all of it. Now, it’s a quiet day, so get out of here okay?”

Louis stands up at the same time as Ed and stumbles slightly when Ed pulls him in for a quick, hard hug.

“Go forth padawan. Go hard. Use protection.”

“Oh my god, Ed.” Louis bites down on the loud laugh threatening to bubble out of his chest.

“There you go, that’s more like it. Feel better? Feel brave? Feel like taking on the world?”

Louis bites his lip, pulling in a large grin that threatens to burst out. He feels light after his talk with Ed, like he could just about float out of the store. He sighs, though, when he remembers that he has to talk to Zayn tonight and he’s really not sure if he can.

“Um. Sort of?” he offers in answer to Ed’s question.

“Good enough. Take the weekend off, yeah, and I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Okay. Thanks, Ed. Bye Taylor,” Louis says as he makes his way out the front of the store. Taylor glances up from behind the till and offers a small wave as Ed circles his arms around her waist and whispers something in her ear.

Louis sighs and debates his next move. He could go home, have a shower, pace around until Zayn gets home from work. 

He decides to put it off for a bit longer, gets a takeaway cup of tea from the coffee shop down the road from Ed’s store and heads for the small park on the corner, content to spend the rest of the afternoon on a bench watching the sunlight play over the water of the small stream that runs through the middle of it.

He feels mostly peaceful when he decides to head home, the sun going down slowly and making long shadows on the grass. Louis pauses and tilts his head back, savouring the warmth of the last rays.

It’s not far, from the little park to the block of flats so Louis takes his time, looking in shop windows and pausing outside the Indian takeaway on the corner, debating whether to go in and get something for all of them.

In the end, seeing how busy it is inside, he moves on, deciding they can order in later.

He’s humming something he can’t quite catch the melody of when he turns the key in the lock, happy to be home at last. He kicks off his shoes and makes his way into the living room, puzzled at how quiet the flat is. Normally Liam and Dani would be in the kitchen, chatting with Harry while he complains about making everyone dinner - while making everyone dinner. Niall would be flipping through the TV and Zayn would be sitting beside him and complaining that Niall channel-surfs too fast.

But, oh of course Louis thinks. It’s Friday which is Date Night for Harry and Niall. And although Harry’s fit and all, Louis can go a long time without knocking on their door - he forgets why now - and seeing Harry wearing nothing but a smile and what appeared to be chocolate body paint.

There’s a delicious smell - something heavy and spicy - coming from the kitchen, so he follows his nose there. He finds Zayn humming under his breath and stirring something in a large pot. The radio is playing softly and Louis just leans against the door for a minute, watching.

Zayn turns around and sees him, a wide smile breaking out on his face. “Louis! Hey! You’re … well, early for dinner actually, it needs to simmer for a bit but - do you want a drink or anything?”

Louis shakes his head and goes to take a seat at the table.

“I’m good. Where are Liam and Dani? Smells really good in here.”

He’s rambling a little but Ed’s words are echoing in his head and he’s nervous.

“Oh - you know how Dani persuaded Liam to ask for like a long weekend? He’s off till Wednesday or something? She surprised him with tickets to Paris. They’re going to be gone all weekend.”

Louis swallows hard as he processes that. “So - it’s just us?” His voice sounds odd to his own hears, high and tight and Zayn gives him an odd look.

“Yeah, is that okay? I thought we could get to know each other a bit better.”

Louis clears his throat and wants to bang his head on the table. “No that sounds - great, actually. Um. Peaceful.”

Zayn sits down across from him and smiles at Louis again and Louis knows that he is so very very very gone.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Was talking to my Dad earlier today which always makes me want you know, home-cooked curry so I thought that we could eat and maybe watch a movie or something …”

Louis grins and lets out a small huffed laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great, actually. Perfect.”

Zayn grins and nods. “Great, great. Um. Why don’t you pick out a film and we can eat on the couch?”

“Sure, okay.”

He goes to the shelves that contain mostly Liam and Zayn’s movies and picks through them, aware of Zayn moving around in the kitchen behind him. He takes a deep breath and pulls out a movie at random and cues it up in the player as Zayn comes back balancing two bottles of beer and a plate of puffy, fragrant naan.

“Curry’ll be a while, but this should keep us going yeah?”

Louis nods and shuffles over to make room for Zayn on the couch. Zayn hands him one of the beer bottles and puts the plate down on the coffee table in front of them.

“I know you’re under age for another what month or so but one bottle isn’t going to turn you into a raging alcoholic.”

Louis smiles and tips the bottle up, taking a small drink and savouring the fact it’s cold more than the taste. 

“Thanks.”

Louis hits play and the movie menu comes up. He settles in, acutely aware of Zayn sitting almost too-close to him on the couch. If Louis tips just a little to the side, their arms would be pressing together. He’d be able to turn his head and smell the spice of Zayn’s shampoo; the slightly sour undertones of the onions he’s been cutting up for the curry; he’d be able to study Zayn’s long eyelashes; count them maybe …

Louis gives himself an abrupt shake and lets out a quiet sigh. He shreds apart a piece of naan and eats it without really tasting it as the film plays. He can feel his courage fading along with the buoyancy of Ed’s words. He’s just - some stupid kid with a lot of scars and too much baggage and he’s just. He’s not good enough.

Zayn gets up part way through the movie, bringing back plates heaped high with fragrant curry and a wide smile on his face.

“Dig in, there’s _heaps_. Gonna have to push some off on to Harry and Niall, I made way too much.”

Louis laughs at that as he digs his fork in, letting the meat and spices melt on his tongue until he can taste every part of it. “You know Harry will just grill you for the recipe again.”

Zayn pulls a face at that and laughs. “Ha, true. Id forgotten. Well. We can freeze it or live on it for the weekend I guess.”

Louis smiles and half-turns towards Zayn so they can talk while the movie’s paused. 

“I could live on this for a while,” he says, lifting another forkful. “‘S’great.”

Zayn twists in his own seat and gives Louis another dazzling grin. “Aw, thanks. You’re my favourite audience.”

“I’m your only audience.”

Zayn points his fork like a sword before taking a deep bite.

“True, true.”

They finish in companionable silence as the film plays out on screen. Louis puts his plate down on the coffee table and leans back against the back of the couch, letting out a soft moan.

“Oh my god, I’m never eating again.” He pokes at his stomach through his shirt and heaves a sigh. “I’m getting _fat_ , look at this.” He turns his head and blinks at the unexpected intensity of Zayn’s gaze.

Louis feels his breath catch in his throat as his brain catches up with the suddenly thick atmosphere. “Zayn?” His voice comes out low and tight and he has to bite his lip. His heart feels like thunder in his ears and he doesn’t know what would happen if he tried to stand right now because his knees feel like water.

“You … you look good to me, Louis,” Zayn says then, blinking and breaking eye contact, but if anything the atmosphere thickens. 

Louis can’t move. He doesn’t think he’d be able to move right now if the flat suddenly caught fire. He’s aware - hyper aware of Zayn moving slowly beside him, Louis closes his eyes and licks his lips. He’s too hot, and his blood is _rushing_ …

Zayn rests a hand on his arm, just below the sleeve of his t-shirt and - and Louis has been touched _plenty_ of times since he left the facility - Liam and Dani hug him every day, and he can barely move when Harry’s around because Harry’s an octopus, but this, this is so very different.

Louis feels a small, involuntary sound punch out of his throat and he’s finally able to take a deep breath.

His eyes are closed, and his whole world is narrowed to the points of Zayn’s fingers resting against his bicep.

“Louis. Is this - is this okay? You - you’re scaring me a little. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have - I’m sorry I’ll -”

Zayn takes his hand away and Louis finds he can finally break free of his strange stasis, turning and grabbing at Zayn’s wrist.

“No! I mean, no it’s okay, I”m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you it’s just. It’s just, you’re - and I’m - and I was talking to Ed about you today and now this and - “

“Louis! Louis, breathe! Come on babe, calm down yeah?” Zayn gently breaks Louis’s hold and reaches out hesitantly, stroking the side of Louis’s neck, an action Harry had discovered by accident one night after Louis had fallen asleep on his and Niall’s sofa and woken up screaming at three in the morning. Harry had started stroking his neck and it was the only thing that could calm him at the time.

Since then, it’s become the best and easiest way to calm Louis down after a bad dream, or a bad day, and they’ve all taken advantage of it at different times.

Now, with Zayn’s long fingers stroking down his neck, Louis can feel his breath hitching after his outburst, but his heart is slowing and he offers Zayn a shy, sideways glance.

“Sorry. It’s - you took me by surprise, that’s all. I was going to … to tell you that, that well. Um. I have a crush? On you?” 

Louis twists his face up at how awkward he sounds but Zayn just laughs beside him and strokes his thumb down Louis’s neck until Louis feels calm enough to turn and face him on the sofa.

“Well,” Zayn says softly, moving closer and closer until Louis can see all the shades of brown in Zayn’s eyes, “it looks like we’re on the same page, then.”

Louis thinks maybe he’s going to say something or nod, or - but then he feels the warm press of Zayn’s lips against his own and any rational thought he might have had flies out the window.

He has nothing to compare it to, this kiss, because it’s his very first, ever and the first thing he thinks is _warm_ because Zayn’s lips against his feel that way - warm and comforting somehow, but with an undercurrent of _something_ indefinable.

He sighs when Zayn puts a hand up to his face, stroking along his cheekbone and feels the flick of Zayn’s tongue against his bottom lip. He opens his mouth to the kiss slowly, letting Zayn set the pace and guide him. He feels clumsy and young, but calmer than he has been all night.

Zayn pulls back and draws in a shaky breath. Louis feels flushed from head to toe under Zayn’s scrutiny and reaches up to touch his lips, tingling under his fingertips.

“Y’alright babe?” Zayn’s voice is soft and thick and Louis wants to wrap himself up in it forever.

“I - yeah. ‘M’alright. Could we- do that again?”

Zayn laughs and wraps his and around Louis’s arm. “Can do that all night if that’s what you want. Should see yourself.”

Louis goes with the guidance of Zayn’s hands until he finds himself straddling Zayn’s legs. He bites his lip at the shift in position, slightly tense until Zayn starts rubbing his hands down Louis’s thighs in long strokes that help Louis’s muscles relax but do nothing for his heart rate, or the fact that his blood is all suddenly pooling in his groin, making him light-headed.

“Y’alright?” Zayn’s eyes roam Louis’s face, his expression shifting from something warm and open to concern.

Louis closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He reaches out, blindly, and puts his hand against Zayn’s chest, pressing in when he can feel Zayn’s heart triphammering under his fingers.

He opens his eyes and gazes back, feeling equal now to meeting Zayn’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he says softly, “M’alright. I’m - I’m good.”

Zayn lightly circles his fingers around Louis’s wrist, just holding on.

“That’s - that’s you, yeah? That’s all you.”

This time, Louis initiates the kiss, closing his eyes and exploring Zayn’s lips and mouth and he can’t hold back the low groan at the back of his throat.

Zayn pulls back and presses their foreheads together. “Hey. Breathe. You’re all right. It’s all right.”

Louis nods, a quick, jerky action. He’s breathing hard, and he feels right on the edge - 

“Zayn - Zayn, I - “

“What is it babe? Y’close yeah? S’okay, s’alright, let go …”

Louis wants to shake his head, his face is red and he’s embarrassed because for all his lack of experience, he knows there’s nothing that’s going to make him look more like a kid to Zayn than shooting off in his pants just from _kissing_.

Zayn starts stroking his thighs again, long sweeping strokes that make Louis feel like he’s going to fall apart at the seams.

“Don’t - don’t hold back cos of me yeah? I’m - gonna want you anyway, Louis, no matter what. Y’look like you’re about to burst, I bet you look lovely when you come …”

Louis moans as Zayn starts kissing his neck, sucking little bites into the sensitive skin under his ear. 

“Come on, babe let go …” 

Later, Louis will be grateful there’s no one else home to hear how loud he groans when he comes, carelessly grinding against Zayn as he pants out his release.

He stills and buries his head in Zayn’s shoulder, willing his heartbeat to slow down. He still feels flushed all over, and his head feels like it’s going to float right off his body. As he comes down, he feels Zayn’s hand stroking down his back now, and Louis would arch into it, shameless as any cat, because it feels so very good, but he feels boneless and liquid.

“Y’alright babe? You’re kind of … zoned out.”

Louis makes an effort to nod against Zayn’s neck, which makes Zayn laugh gently. 

“Okay. Take a minute, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”

Louis feels something warm settle in his bones at those words and he pulls back long enough to press his lips to Zayn’s neck, feeling the pulse under his lips, racing away from him.

He’s aware, as he comes back to himself in pieces, that Zayn’s still hard in his jeans, the thick line of him a heavy outline against Louis’s hip.

“I. Um. Do you - do you want me to - “ he bites his lip as he draws back long enough to look Zayn in the eye. Zayn’s expression is warm and open, and Louis just feels - he feels safe, he thinks, properly safe for the first time since his headlong flight from the Facility all those months ago.

“S’alright. I can take care of it. You still look like you’re not quite with it.”

Louis pushes his bottom lip out in an unintentional pout and frowns.

“I - I want to. I um. Can I? I mean, I don’t really know what - “

Zayn cups a hand around the back of Louis’s neck, gently drawing him in and kissing him, softly at first, but deeper and with more intent as Louis’s hands start roaming over Zayn’s body, his fingers seeking out slips of skin. 

“Just. Here, let me …” Zayn pushes Louis back slightly so he can get at the zip of his jeans, groaning in obvious relief as he pulls the fly down far enough that he can push his briefs out of the way and let his hard cock free. It’s already shiny at the tip with pre-come and it slaps against Zayn’s flat stomach.

Louis licks his lips and just stares for a moment, feeling young and overwhelmed suddenly.

“Like I said, babe, it’s okay.”

Louis nods, his actions a little jerky but he offers Zayn a small smile as he reaches out, running his finger along the thick vein, raised with blood at the centre. Zayn tips his head back against the sofa and groans.

“Fuck. You’re gonna kill me.”

Louis laughs softly at that, feeling himself gain a little confidence, because well - _he_ did that. _He_ did that to Zayn.

“I. Um. What do you - what should I do?” 

“Just. That’s good, yeah. Just - use your hand, get it - wait, here give it to me.”

Zayn takes Louis’s hand in his own, and without taking his eyes off Louis’s face, he licks the palm and takes each finger into his mouth one at time, until Louis’s whole hand is slick and wet, his eyes are wide and round and he’s pretty sure he’s getting hard again.

“Wrap it ‘round like - yeah. Bit tighter. Yeah, good. Nice tight strokes babe. Yeah. Good. God, _Louis_.”

Louis has a pretty short list of favourite things - football; rain on roof; watching the sun set from his minute balcony; the way that Liam and the others have become his family, but he believes that now, his absolute favourite thing in the whole world is the small, strangled noise Zayn makes when he comes. 

Louis eases his grip slowly, aware of being half-hard again. He shifts uncomfortably against Zayn and pulls a face.

Zayn’s head is tilted back against the back of the couch, and Louis gives in to his instinct to trace the long line of Zayn’s neck with his lips. Zayn’s skin is warm under his mouth, slightly salty and Louis sighs as Zayn settles his hands on his back.

“Y’alright?”

Louis smiles into Zayn’s skin at the already familiar question, something about it making him settle into his own body.

“Yeah, m’alright. Need to uh - change though.”

Zayn lets out a small laugh at that, almost breathless, and lifts his head to look at Louis.

“Yeah, we both need to clean up. C’mon.”

They head for the bathroom and Louis hesitates for a moment, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. Zayn leans against the sink and studies him, not saying anything for a moment.

“You can leave that on, if you like. Just get rid of your pants and jeans.”

Louis starts stripping off his bottom half, grimacing slightly at the mess, and pushes the clothes into the corner of the bathroom. He fiddles with the bottom of his shirt again, frowning at himself as Zayn pushes a wet washcloth into his hand. 

“Here.”

Louis nods and blushes as he cleans himself up with slightly shaking fingers before tossing the cloth into the corner. He can’t seem to take his eyes of the floor, feeling oddly exposed in nothing but his shirt.

“Hey.” Zayn slides his fingers under Louis’s chin and gently presses until Louis looks up and meets his eyes.

“I’m …. I’m okay. I uh I just - what happens now?”

It takes all of Louis’s remaining courage to ask that, because he knows what he wants and maybe half-naked in the bathroom at one in the morning isn’t the best place, but if he doesn’t ask now, he’ll lose the words altogether.

Zayn doesn’t say anything, but he slides his hand around from Louis’s chin to the back of his neck, scratching lightly at the small curls at the base of Louis’s skull.

Louis sighs and closes his eyes, revelling in the warmth of Zayn’s touch.

“I don’t - want to rush you into anything,” Zayn says quietly, “but … I want - well, I want this, whatever this is, or becomes - with you. I want,” Zayn says, his voice low and sweet, right next to Louis’s ear, “ _you_.”

Louis sighs and leans forward, ducking his head slightly to rest it on Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn strokes the back of Louis’s neck with his thumb, circling his other arm around Louis’s waist, murmuring soft sounds in his ear until Louis feels himself relax completely.

“Could we um - talk? For a bit? I just. Is that okay?”

Zayn bites lightly at Louis’s earlobe, making him shiver slightly and says, “My room? I’ll lend you some trackies yeah? Come on, babe.”

Zayn’s room is overflowing. The bed is pushed into the corner, the duvet and sheets rucked up and twisted at the bottom of the mattress. There are sketch books everywhere, and a ceiling-high bookcase stacked to the gills with books.

Louis feels shy, suddenly, taking the worn pair of track suit bottoms Zayn hands him and pulling them up and settling them on his hips. They’re a little tight over his hips, but they’re Zayn’s so Louis just grins and follows Zayn’s lead when he settles on the bed, pushing the pillows back and pulling Louis down with him.

Louis tucks himself in against Zayn and sighs, feeling exhaustion seep into his bones.

“Been a busy night,” Zayn says quietly, running his hand down Louis’s back.

Louis nods and closes his eyes, enjoying the quiet and the closeness for a moment.

“So. Louis. Talk to me.”

It’s like Zayn has flicked a switch inside Louis that Louis himself was unaware of. He’s hesitant at first, talking about himself, but he gains pace and loses any sense of self-consciousness under Zayn’s warm gaze, and the feel of his hands on Louis’s back, burning hot through his shirt.

Zayn doesn’t say much; he just listens, and watches. He watches the way Louis’s eyes light up when he talks about El, and how the blue dims and seems to go smoky when he talks about his time at the Facility, and how he brightens when he’s talking about things that Zayn himself has always taken for granted - friends; a job; his own room … 

Zayn finds that he can’t stop touching, now that he can; now that he can do more than just quietly watch Louis from a distance. And Zayn knows, he knows that sometimes the reality doesn’t match up with the fantasy; he’s pined uselessly before. But this … this is so much better. He runs his hand down Louis’s back; careful to keep his hands over Louis’s shirt. 

He can feel the bumps and ridges of Louis’s scars, and Liam has told him some of it, and something in him aches that this bright, lively boy who’s talking about football with such animation had such a terrible, undeserved thing happen to him.

“This is nice,” Louis says suddenly, his blue eyes bright in the faint light of Zayn’s bedside lamp. “I mean - it’s all been .. like. With you. Amazing. And. But I mean, just. _talking_.”

Zayn waits, one hand resting on Louis’s hip. 

“It’s just. Everyone’s been great you know? You all didn’t have to make room in your lives for me, but you did, and everyone’s gone out of their way for me, it’s just …. “

“Just what, babe?” Zayn asks when the silence around them starts to feel like a physical weight.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful.” Louis says carefully, frowning down at his own hands. “It’s just …. Liam gets this look, you know? Like - a worried golden retriever? And sometimes I don’t want to - burden him, because I know he’s going to look at me like that, and it’s just. It’s just nice to just be able to _talk_ and. Um. Could you kiss me now please? I’d - I’d like that a lot.”

Zayn laughs softly and rests his hands on Louis’s hips, feeling the shift of Louis’s muscles under his hands as he turns in Zayn’s embrace. Zayn leans forward and kisses Louis softly on the lips; already feeling familiar with the shape of Louis’s mouth on his own. He opens his mouth and licks gently at Louis’s bottom lip until Louis opens his mouth with a sigh. 

Kissing Louis has rapidly become one of Zayn’s favourite things, and he pulls him in close, as close as he can without breaking contact. 

Soon, Louis is shifting against him, his hips moving restlessly as little groans fall from his mouth.

“Zayn, Zayn please …”

Zayn’s pretty sure Louis doesn’t know what he’s even asking for, but whatever it is, Zayn will give it to him, he’s pretty sure he’ll give Louis anything.

He flips them so Louis is underneath him on the bed, and Louis just stares up at him, his so-blue eyes wide.

“What is it babe? What d’you want?”

Zayn kisses Louis again; on his lips, on each cheek, on his neck. He feels Louis’s hands settle on the small of his back and he smiles to himself and grazes his teeth over Louis’s collarbones.

“You,” Louis says, his voice quiet, but steady in Zayn’s ear. “I. I want you.”

Zayn stills, feeling like all of his breath has been punched out of him. He sits up, more to give himself and Louis some room than anything and reaches out until Louis sits up as well, facing him.

“Babe … are you sure?”

Louis bites his lip and looks down at his hands, before meeting Zayn’s steady gaze.

“I … I like you a lot, Zayn. You’re - something else. And, I know it’s fast, or whatever, and you’ll tell me that I’m too young to know what I want but I think that’s bullshit, because I don’t see what age has to do with that, and all I know right now, is that. I want you.”

Biting his lip again, Louis grips the bottom of his t-shirt, and without taking his eyes off Zayn’s face, pulls it over his head. Zayn licks his lips unconsciously at the sight of Louis’s skin, and his fingers twitch with the need to touch. He traces over the scars that he can see, reaching out without thinking. He traces his fingers over Louis’s skin, running his fingers over smooth skin and ridged scars without changing pressure.

“God, Louis.”

“Is this. Is it all right? I mean, Liam’s seen them, but that’s different, and I don’t - I don’t know - “

“Louis,” Zayn says quietly, sliding his hand around to the small of Louis’s back, rubbing his thumb over the bumps of Louis’s spine.

He feels out of words, out of air, out of … anything that’s not this boy with the bright blue eyes who’s looking at him like he’s the sun.

He kisses Louis then, because he can, and before he knows it, they’re both naked on his bed, Louis is under him again, his legs wrapped around Zayn’s hips and Zayn has three fingers deep inside Louis’s arse, whispering promises into the curve of his hips.

Zayn pulls his fingers out carefully, and nearly loses it completely when Louis presses his own finger in, his mouth open slightly.

Zayn gropes blindly for the foil package he’d dropped on the sheets earlier, Liam’s warnings about Louis after he’d noticed the way Zayn looked at him, echoing in his head.

He rolls the latex sheath on, slicks on some more lube, and leans down to kiss Louis again, deep and filthy. Louis grips Zayn’s hips and groans into his mouth as Zayn pushes into him, slowly and steadily.

“Y’alright,” he asks softly, stilling after bottoming out.

Louis grins up at him, his face open and happy, making Zayn’s breath catch.

“Yeah,” he says just as softly. “M’alright.”

Zayn feels like everything, suddenly, surrounding and covering Louis and all he can do is bite down on Zayn’s shoulder, and breathe as Zayn pushes into him, so very slowly and carefully.

Louis thinks he might fall apart before Zayn stops moving, that he’s maybe going to fall apart. He’s lost all of his words, anything resembling language caught and tangled in his throat. He grabs desperately at the bones of Zayn’s shoulder blades, gasping. Zayn stops and looks down at him, frowning.

“M’okay,” Louis manages to get out, pre-empting Zayn’s question. “It’s - it’s a lot. It’s good, it’s just.”

Zayn smiles and leans down to kiss him, rocking his hips gently as he fucks into Louis, slow and deep. 

Louis groans into Zayn’s mouth, wrapping his legs around Zayn’s hips to draw him in close, closer. He’s shameless now, at the peak of his absolute need. He digs his blunt fingernails into Zayn’s shoulder blades as he comes untouched, his cock thick and trapped between his own and Zayn’s bodies. He leaves long red scratches on Zayn’s skin, distantly aware of Zayn biting down on his neck as he comes before sagging down against Louis for a moment, catching his breath.

Neither boy, caught up in each other in the moment as they are, spare a thought for the condom that Zayn carefully ties off and throws into his bin. 

It never occurs to them that there might be a weak spot in the latex; that the condom is from a faulty batch that was recalled when Zayn was out of the country and out of touch with news, and Louis was just learning how to be a real boy out in the world.

As they curl around each other and fall asleep to the sun rising, neither of them think that the surely-impossible could happen. 

A month later, and Louis feels like, finally, all the threads of his new life are weaving together. He has family, in Liam and Dani, who treat him like a much-loved younger brother.

He has friends in Harry, Niall, Ed and Taylor.

And he has Zayn.

As he boils the kettle for his morning cup of tea, two days before his 18th birthday and three days before Christmas, Louis feels on top of the world.

Everyone is coming round tomorrow night to celebrate Louis’s birthday, and they’ve all decided - just for this year - to stay in London and celebrate Christmas together, rather than scatter like they normally would. Louis feels vaguely guilty about that, but Liam and Zayn have reassured him time and again that it’s all fine, so he settles into himself as best he can.

Then he brews his tea, wonders why it smells so awful, and the next thing he knows, he’s throwing up in the bathroom with Liam rubbing his back.

“S-sorry about that,” he says weakly, wiping his mouth as Liam flushes the toilet. “I don’t - I don’t know where that came from.”

He’s aware of Zayn hovering in the doorway, biting his lip, his face worried.

Liam feels Louis’s forehead and asks him what he’s had to eat lately, and if he’d been feeling sick before he threw up.

Louis just shakes his head and takes the cool, damp wash cloth out of Liam’s hand and wipes his face with it. He sighs and leans back against the bathtub.

“No - nothing. And I haven’t eaten - shit - “

It’s like that for the next few days. Louis’s birthday and Christmas are subdued, and he can’t help feel bad about that, but he also can’t really keep much down except the occasional sip of water and energy drinks that Liam manages to persuade him to have.

“I’m sorry, Zayn, I’m so sorry.” Louis curls up under the heavy duvet of Zayn’s bed and peers out at him. “I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday.” He can feel the tears at the back of his throat, threatening to choke his words, and he bites down on his bottom lip, hard.

Zayn sighs and pushes Louis’s messy fringe back off his forehead. “You can’t help getting sick, babe. It’s just -one of those things. A bug, or something, yeah? Don’t worry.”

Louis sighs and closes his eyes, butting his head against Zayn’s hand like a cat, until Zayn laughs softly and cards his fingers through Louis’s hair.

They both jump when they hear Liam exclaim from the living room: “Oh fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!!!! I’ll be. I’ll be right back. I think I know what it is oh fuck.”

Zayn glances down at Louis who’s looking back at him, frowning. “What the hell was that?”

Zayn shrugs and turns to Dani, and Niall and Harry who are now crowding in the doorway. 

They’ve been discussing back and forth for the past few days what to do about Louis’s sudden sickness. Liam’s first instinct was to take him to a doctor, but that made Louis have a panic attack and throw up until he passed out, so Liam hasn’t mentioned it since.

He’s been taking care of Louis to the best of his ability, and now, as he powers out of the flat, down the stairs and to the Boots on the corner, he’s kicking himself that he didn’t make the connection between Louis’s illness and the nightly thud-thud-thud of the headboard in Zayn’s room sooner.

Now that he has, he feels a sudden sense of urgency. He scans the shelves for what he needs, and picks up three of the same test. He pays for them and dashes back to the flat as fast as he can, his heart racing.

“S-sorry about that,” Liam gasps out when he gets to Zayn (and now Louis’s) room. “But. Louis. I’m - sorry. I - I think you might be pregnant.”

Liam looks around, and he’s suddenly aware that there’s an audience. He pushes his hand through his hair and clears his throat in the sudden, heavy silence.

“I. Erm. Didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. But. I think that’s why you’re sick, and you’re not getting better, but not getting worse. It. Fits.”

Liam curls his hand around the bag he’s carrying and clears his throat again. He looks at Louis first, who’s staring at him, his blue eyes wide, his expression frozen. He’s holding on to Zayn’s hand, so tight that Liam knows it must hurt. What he’s relieved to see is that Zayn is holding back just as tight.

He’s worried for Louis, of course he is, but seeing Zayn holding tight to Louis like that, makes something loosen in his chest.

He’s vaguely aware of Dani gripping his arm before she goes and sits on the bed beside Louis, enveloping him in a tight hug and of Niall and Harry behind him.

“Right. Um. Louis. I um. You need to take a test. I think, based on what I read in your records, that you have enough of the right hormones to make the test show positive, if, if you are. I bought three tests, though, just in case - “

Louis sits up, gently disentangling himself from Dani’s embrace, but not letting go of Zayn’s hand. It feels like his heart is going to thud its way out of his chest, and he feels, he feels _sick_ but light as well somehow, and there’s an undercurrent of excitement underneath that and he’s _churning_ with it.

He turns to face Zayn and takes in his features, his raised eyebrows and his wide eyes and frowns. “Zayn?” His voice comes out small and choked, but it snaps Zayn out of whatever strange stasis he’s in.

“If … if Liam’s … right. What.” His voice fails him entirely, and his world narrows to Zayn’s whiskey-brown eyes. He could, he thinks, drown in all of those shades.

“Babe.” Zayn’s voice is low and husky and he raises his free hand, stroking his long fingers down the side of Louis’s neck.

“It’s. A lot. Yeah? A lot. But. If you are. It’s still. It’s always. It’s you and me, yeah? Always.”

Louis takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. “You and me,” he says, shoring up his remaining courage with Zayn’s words.

He feels Zayn lean forward, the press of his lips against the corner of Louis’s mouth.

“Always, babe.”

Louis opens his eyes and smiles at Zayn, then glances around the room, suddenly shy as Harry lets out a small “awww”, like he can’t help himself.

He untangles himself from the covers and stands up, pausing as he feels a bit light-headed for a moment. Liam hands him the glass of water from the nightstand and tells him quietly to take small sips until he feels steady.

Zayn stands up as well, and Louis watches as he takes the plastic bag out of Liam’s hand and peers into it. He bites his lip and looks up at Louis.

“Y’alright?”

Louis smiles so bright and big that his face hurts, because it’s Zayn’s way of saying - with everyone in the room with him - that he loves Louis, and they’re in this together.

“Yeah. M’alright.”

Zayn nods and takes Louis’s hand. “Right. C’mon babe, lets go take these tests. Without an audience, _Harry_.”

Harry pouts, but he can’t help grinning at Louis even as Niall ushers him out of the way and Louis can only grin back, despite what the tests might show.

He studies the back of the boxes of the tests as Zayn perches on the edge of the bath.

“So it looks like I just … wee on the stick, and then wait.” Louis clears his throat and glances up at Zayn who offers him a small half-smile.

He holds out his hand, and Louis puts the box on the sink and winds his fingers together with Zayn’s. “You and me, babe, yeah? Whatever happens. Though - if it’s positive, I’m going to need a minute. Because I would have got my boyfriend pregnant, and that’s not. That’s not an everyday thing.”

Zayn tugs gently on Louis’s hand until Louis moves between his legs. Zayn brackets Louis’s legs with his knees and tilts his head up slightly until Louis ducks his head and gives him a sweet, almost shy kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Zayn makes a noise and turns his head slightly, kissing Louis this time, but deeper and longer, until Louis feels like his nerve-ends are going to catch on fire.

“Zayn - Zayn - I - “

Zayn pulls back and nips at Louis’s bottom lip, grinning up at him.

“Go on then, love. Wee on the stick. Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

Louis snorts and pulls a face, turning back to the tests. He sets his mind to the task at hand, aware of Zayn behind him, offering silent support, whatever happens.

He takes the tests, and Zayn sets a timer on his phone. Louis lines the sticks up on the sink, before taking a seat on the rim of the bath beside Zayn.

Zayn keeps an eye on the timer, and it feels like the longest minutes of Louis’s life so far. He absently puts a hand on his stomach and he wonders. Could he be pregnant? Could all those years of surgeries and tests and experiments - could it actually have worked?

He smiles and leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder when Zayn covers Louis’s hand with his own. It’s warm and it’s comforting and Louis knows that this is all that he needs. That this - the two of them or the three of them - is his forever family.

“It’s time, babe,” Zayn says quietly, checking his phone. Louis nods, and takes a deep breath, but he doesn’t move.

“Lou? Y’alright?”

“I - I’m scared,” he says quietly. Zayn presses a kiss to his shoulder and winds their fingers together again.

“I know, babe - me too, if I’m honest. But. You gotta look, yeah? One step at a time. You look; we tell the others either way, and if - if you are - then - we’ll go from there. It’ll be alright. You and me, yeah?”

“You and me,” Louis echoes, finding comfort in the words as he draws his hand out of Zayn’s to stand up and study the tests, lined up on the edge of the sink.

And - bloody hell. There it is. In, well in blue-and-white. Louis is - he’s …

“I’m pregnant.”

He looks from the stick to Zayn’s face, and then back down at the stick. His hand is shaking, as he checks the other two sticks and yeah. Okay.

Louis fumbles blindly behind him and puts the toilet lid down so he can sit. He thumps down heavily and his heart is racing so fast.

“Babe? Babe? You okay?” Zayn’s voice barely penetrates through the sudden roaring in Louis’s  
head. His heart won’t slow down at all, and his palms are suddenly slick with sweat. He vaguely hears Zayn say that he’s going to get Liam and all Louis can do is try and hang on to the edge of the world.

Liam comes in, and talks to him, all calm competence and Louis finds himself clinging to that, to Liam’s steady voice and the hand that Louis is gripping tight.

Louis opens his eyes and fixes on Liam, crouching in front of him, and then on Zayn, leaning against the sink, his eyebrows folded in a worried frown. 

“How are you feeling now?” Liam asks as he curls his fingers around Louis’s wrist and studies his own watch. It’s so familiar to Louis - seeing someone take his pulse, that he lets out a long breath and finds he’s able to smile at Zayn. It feels small and watery, but he watches as the lines of tension leach out of Zayn’s shoulders and Louis is able to give him a small nod.

He realises, then, that he hasn’t answered Liam’s question. “Um. Better, a bit. I think. I didn’t - know I’d freak out like that. I’m sorry.”

Liam lets go of his wrist and steps back, smiling. “Your pulse is fine. And I guess … congratulations?”

Louis looks at Zayn, who’s face just breaks out into the biggest smile that Louis has ever seen. Louis turns to nod at Liam. “Yeah. Sounds right.”

Carefully, Louis levers himself up from the toilet seat, automatically reaching out for Zayn, who grabs hold of his hand. 

“Well, I’m pretty sure that the others are just outside the door. And since we’re celebrating, I think we should move to the kitchen. I don’t think we’ll all fit in here.”

Louis laughs as Zayn draws him in, wrapping him up in a tight hug, and Louis breathes in Zayn’s scent for a moment; a mix of smoke and cologne and just … Zayn.

“Give us a minute, yeah? We need a moment.”

Liam reaches out and grips Zayn’s shoulder. “Sure. But you know I won’t be able to keep Harry away for long.”

Zayn laughs and just holds Louis tighter as Liam leaves the bathroom. They can hear his voice fading out as he heads to the kitchen, and Harry’s lower tones.

“Y’alright?” Zayn starts stroking down Louis’s back, long strokes that make Louis press into Zayn harder.

“Yeah. M’alright now.” Louis makes a small noise of complaint when Zayn stops stroking his back, but Zayn presses a kiss to the top of his head and Louis sighs, closing his eyes, savouring the small moment of quiet.

“I’m scared, though,” he says into the quiet, whispering it against the skin of Zayn’s neck.

“Yeah, babe. I know. Me too. But we’ll be alright yeah? We have us, and we have Liam and Dani and all. And now …”

Zayn pulls back slightly, and Louis wants to protest the loss of contact but Zayn just slips his hand under Louis’s t-shirt and rests it against his stomach. 

“And now,” he says quietly, “we have this. It’s a cliche to say it’s a miracle, but it’s a bloody miracle, Louis. It’s - it’s something else. A _good_ something.”

Louis tilts his face up for a kiss and Zayn obliges, taking his time to kiss Louis slow and deep until Louis is just about grinding against him and Harry is shouting down the hallway.

“Come on,” Zayn says quietly as Louis makes a small sound of protest in the back of his throat. “Before Harry totally loses it.”

The celebration is noisy, and Louis feels nothing but loved. Harry insists on touching his stomach, which Louis thinks is weird, but then, Harry is weird so he just shrugs, even as Liam laughs in the background.

“A baby! This is so exciting! Oooh I can cook you things! I’ll make you whatever you like!”

“Yeah, all right, Haz,” Niall speaks up finally. “Let the poor boy breathe, yeah? Come on. Back away. Little bit more. There you go.”

Niall’s face is fondly exasperated as he puts himself between Louis and Harry, and Louis has to laugh at the pout that forms on Harry’s face. 

Louis takes a deep breath, grins wide, and lets himself fall into the celebration of a new life with his family.

It’s late when Louis and Zayn tumble into bed, after Niall has finally dragged Harry back to their own flat, and Liam and Dani have taken to their own room.

Louis yawns, wide, as he changes into one of Zayn’s old threadbare t-shirts and a pair of boxers before sliding between the sheets. 

He watches as Zayn pulls on a faded pair of checked pyjama pants and shifts over to make room. Zayn cuddles in close and they exchange slow, sweet kisses for a while.

“How’s your stomach feeling babe? Settled?”

Louis pauses to consider, even as he presses a kiss to the thin skin behind Zayn’s ear that makes him give a tiny, but full-body shiver.

“Mmmm … yeah. I feel okay. I wonder if some of it was just - not knowing what it was. Like, I was worried that I was really sick, and .. I dunno. But yeah. Feel good right now.”

Zayn nods and cards his fingers through Louis’s hair until Louis’s bones feel heavy and he can barely keep his eyes open, exhaustion washing over him in a wave. He yawns suddenly, burying his face in Zayn’s neck. “Sorry. M’tired. Been a … weird day.”

Zayn laughs softly at that and waits until Louis has rolled over, pressing his back to Zayn’s bare chest. Zayn reaches an arm around, resting his hand on Louis’s stomach. Louis tangles their fingers together, and lets himself be pulled under, to sleep, and to dream.

Louis finds that his life calms down again. He stops getting so sick - partly because of Liam plying him with dry crackers, and Harry insisting on making ginger tea for him whenever he asks for it, and he feels …. good. Zayn is ridiculously attentive, and when Louis muses whether sex could maybe hurt the baby, because this is so much uncharted territory, Zayn doesn’t even blink and just sucks Louis off slowly, keeping one hand on his stomach, and his eyes on Louis’s face, and Louis has never felt more loved - or more in love.

He knows, of course he knows, that he’s going to have to see a doctor, but he’s dragging his heels as much as he can, because doctors don’t mean anything good for Louis - they mean pain and surgery and more surgery and …

He starts having vivid nightmares every night and even Harry can’t calm him down half the time.

After he wakes up - again - sweating and shaking and with his throat raw from screaming, and Zayn looking so _helpless_ , Louis knows that he has to do something. He’s about two months’ along now, and well. Sooner or later he’s going to need a doctor anyway, and he’s so _tired_. 

He sighs and reaches out blindly, until he feels Zayn’s warm fingers curl around his own. His heart is still racing, but he’s coming back to himself, slowly, slowly. The light in the room is grey, and Zayn has to get up soon to go to work, inking the stories of other people into their skin and he looks as tired as Louis feels, but he doesn’t let go of Louis’s hand.

Louis looks up at Liam and Dani, standing in the doorway, trying to hold back yawns, and Louis feels even worse because Liam has just started a month of morning shifts after doing nights for two months and Dani has just started teaching a new dance class, and Louis … _sucks_.

“I suck,” he says quietly, as Zayn gathers him in, wrapping him up in a tight hug. “I’m the worst, and I’m making you all exhausted and I - I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. And - if you can find one that you think I can trust … I’m, I’m ready to see a doctor.”

His last words are lost under a sudden pile of Liam and Dani who move at the same time, piling on the bed and hugging him, rubbing his back and assuring him, that no, he doesn’t suck.

“We can’t imagine how hard this is for you, Louis, and yeah, we’re tired, but … don’t put that on yourself, okay? We can ride this out for you. _With_ you.” Liam takes Louis’s face in his hands, wiping at tears that Louis hadn’t realised had fallen, with his thumbs.

“I’m going to go talk to Niall before I go to work - if anyone can find you the doctor that you need, it’s him.”

Liam ruffles Louis’s hair, which makes Louis roll his eyes before he pushes off the bed and disappears out the door. Dani moves in, so that Louis is bracketed between her and Zayn and he sighs, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

“I gotta get up, babe, I promised Paul I’d open today.” Zayn’s voice is low and regretful but Louis just sighs and mutters into his shoulder, biting it lightly before moving to snuggle against Dani.

She’s warm and soft; comforting. “I don’t have a class till eleven. I can stay for a bit, if you like.”

“Yes please,” Louis says at the same time as Zayn says “Yeah, Dani thanks. That’d be great.”

Louis is most of the way asleep again, with Dani breathing slow and even beside him, and it’s so comforting and normal that he settles easily back into bed. 

He feels Zayn press a kiss to the back of his neck, and a quick “Love you babe; I’ll see you tonight; get some sleep yeah,” and then Louis doesn’t know anything else until Dani has to move to get ready for her classes.

Niall does his research, and finally comes up with a doctor that he thinks Louis can live with.

“He was a consultant at the Facility,” Niall explains, settling beside Louis on the sofa with Liam’s laptop open on his knees. “Was there for about six months, maybe three years ago? He’s a gyno, and a reproductive specialist. Mostly does research now. Here. Ben Winston. You know him?”

Louis takes the laptop and studies the features of the man in the Facility profile that Niall has pulled up. He frowns and searches his memory, but …. “No, he doesn’t look familiar at all.”

Niall nods and grins at Liam, perched on the coffee table in front of him. Louis studies the short bio, aware of Zayn’s hand low on his back, and Harry sprawled out in the armchair, his foot nudged up against Niall’s. Dani leans over from Zayn’s other side to read what’s on the screen.

“I went looking for doctors who’d worked at the Facility, but that you might not know, or who might not have bought into all the bullshit, and I found this guy.”

“My boyfriend, the genius.” 

“Shut up, Harry,” Niall says, pushing at Harry’s foot but out of the corner of his eye Louis can see that the tips of Niall’s ears have gone pink. He grins and presses against Zayn for a second, just because he can, before he reads through the rest of the profile. 

“Okay, yeah,” he says, when he gets to the end of it. Dr Winston has the right qualifications, and he won’t be freaked out because he worked on Louis’s …. case when he consulted at the Facility. 

“This …. could work.” He hands the laptop off to Liam and lets himself be pulled back against Zayn’s chest. He cuddles as close as he can and watches as Liam scans the information on screen.

“Did you manage to get contact details? All this has are Facility numbers, by the look.”

Niall sits up and rolls his eyes, huffing out an offended-sounding breath. “It’s like you don’t know me at all, Payno. Of course I did. Got a mobile number, and an email address. It’s up to Louis now. Next step is up to you.”

Louis nods and lets Zayn weave their fingers together. He takes a breath and lets the silent support shore him up a little bit.

“Okay,” he says finally. “I guess … if he’ll see me, then …. I have a doctor.”

He decides to send an email, outlining who he is and that he needs a doctor that’s aware of his unique medical situation. 

Louis watches as the email goes off into the ether, and feels his stomach roll with nerves. Or nausea. Or both, he realises, cursing to himself as he races for the bathroom.

He sighs as he rests back against the cool tile wall of the bathroom. The flat is empty, and he’s begged off his last few shifts at the record store. He’s going to have to tell Ed and Taylor what’s going on before long; he’s not as close to them as he his to Liam and the others, but he still considers them close friends. Louis blinks and gives himself a mental shake. He’s rambling.

“C’mon baby,” he says softly into the quiet of the bathroom, pushing his hand under the worn hoodie he’s wearing to press against his stomach. “Give me a break, yeah? I’m _tired_.”

Louis sighs, and sits for a bit longer, until he’s sure he’s not going to throw up again, heads for the kitchen for a drink of water, and settles down with the laptop for the afternoon.

All he can do now is wait.

After a few guarded exchanges by email, Louis finds himself with an appointment to see Dr Winston. 

On the day of the appointment, he can’t settle to anything. Zayn has taken the day off, but he’s nearly as out of his skin as Louis until he wordlessly drags them both off to the bedroom.

Zayn just uses his hands, teasing Louis to hardness before backing off again, squeezing and stroking him so slowly that Louis can’t think about anything else until he comes all over Zayn’s hand and his own stomach, so hard that he sees black spots for a moment. 

He’s aware, vaguely of Zayn propping himself up to get himself off, and he would help, but he can’t move, except to open up for Zayn when he leans down to kiss Louis, deep and filthy.

“Better?” Zayn asks as they both shower and Zayn washes Louis’s hair.

Louis makes a small contented noise in the back of his throat and presses shamelessly back into Zayn.

Dr Winston’s offices are in a discreet-looking building on Harley Street. There’s a brass plaque to the side of the door with his name, qualifications and specialties on it.

Louis grips Zayn’s hand tight as he presses the buzzer to be let in.

“This is it,” he says, his throat dry and tight.

Zayn just nods as the door opens, letting them inside.

The outer office is silent, with comfortable chairs lining the walls and a large desk facing the door. There’s a middle-aged woman behind the desk, who looks up and smiles at them as they come in.

“Louis … Tomlinson?” Louis nods and pulls at Zayn’s hand until they’re in front of the desk.

“Y-yes. That’s me.”

The woman smiles and says, “Take a seat Mr Tomlinson. Dr Winston will be out shortly.”

They only wait a few minutes before Dr Winston appears from a door behind the receptionist’s desk.

“Louis?” He says, approaching the two of them.

“I’m Dr Winston. Why don’t you both come on through?”

Louis looks at Zayn who half-shrugs, and they both follow him down a long corridor to a large consulting room at the other end. There’s a flat hospital bed in one corner, and an ultrasound pushed against the wall. Dr Winston’s desk is functional and has just an open laptop on it.

Dr Winston sits down in the swivel chair in front of the desk and indicates to Louis and Zayn that they should take a seat as well.

Louis sits in the chair nearest the desk, with Zayn beside him, their hands still clasped together.

“You won’t remember me at all, Louis, but I worked at the Facility for a few months, about four years ago. I worked as a consultant for a while, before going into private practice. I … always wondered. What happened to you. I’m … glad that you seem to be all right, and although our email exchanges have been vague, I can guess, I think, what brings you to me.”

Louis licks his lips and glances at Zayn, who just smiles softly at him. “S’alright, babe. I’m right here, yeah? Just - tell the doc what’s been happening.”

Louis smiles and says “okay,” softly before turning back to Dr Winston, explaining what’s been happening the past few months.

“And uh, and now … I’m pregnant. I took like, three tests and they were all positive, and uh …. that’s it, I think. Oh, and uh, this is, this is Zayn, he’s the uh, the father?”

Louis bites his lip to stop himself from babbling. Dr Winston just smiles and says, “I think that’s all I need to know for now. So - you think you’re about what, 10 weeks along?”

Louis turns to Zayn who nods, wordlessly.

“Yeah, that sounds about right. I was um. Pretty sick to start with, but that’s faded to nearly nothing. Mostly I’m just tired and a bit spaced a lot of the time.”

Dr Winston nods and says, “Well, I would say that’s quite normal in pregnancy, but of course there’s little about this that’s normal.” 

He sighs and types something into his laptop before meeting Louis’s eyes again. “For what it might be worth, Louis - I’m glad that you got away from that place. When I started consulting, I had no idea that they were engaging in human experiments. I thought everything was theoretical. When I found out … well. They threatened my wife, and …” Dr Winston makes a vague gesture with his hands and offers a weak smile.

“It - it wasn’t your fault,” he says quietly. “The girl who helped me - she was a nurse - it took her ages to pull everything together and to make sure that - they couldn’t … come for me. And - I need you now. I can’t just go to any doctor with this because who’s going to believe me?”

He feels Zayn press a kiss to his cheek and Louis lets out a long breath, his shoulders falling as tension leaches out of his body.

Dr Winston gives him a long look before smiling. “Well. You’re here, and you’re right - I can certainly make it up to you - as much as I ever can. Now. First things first. Let me take some tests of my own - see just what we’re dealing with - then I’ll book you for your first scan.”

Louis nods and it’s easy; doing a blood test, peeing into a small cup - it’s nothing he hasn’t done hundreds of times.

The doctor takes the tests and makes a second appointment for them both, telling Louis what he’ll need to do for the scan. “We’ll make the appointment for a couple of days from now - the sooner the better, I think. It’ll be alright.”

Louis nods and takes Zayn’s hand, gripping tight.

“Thanks, doc,” Zayn says quietly as they get ready to leave.

Two days later, and Louis is ready to bounce of the walls. He’s drunk so much water it feels like he’s going to float away and the pressure on his bladder is immense.

“Right, well - you already knew it of course, but yes, you are pregnant. Let’s get this scan done, so we know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

Louis moves to the bed, lying down and pushing his sweater up as Dr Winston smears gel over his stomach.

Louis hisses with the shock of it - “S’cold,” he explains to Zayn who’s frowning at him in concern.

“Sorry about that, I always forget to warn about the gel,” Dr Winston says as he picks up the scanning wand.

“Now. Let’s get a look at this baby, see exactly what we’re dealing with.”

Dr Winston moves the wand slowly over Louis’s stomach, pressing a little harder where there’s scar tissue.

“Sorry about that,” he says when Louis winces. “The scar tissue can make it hard to … ah! There you are! Shy are you? No need to be …”

The office is suddenly filled with a fast-thwumping sound that makes Louis jump and he turns to stare at Zayn.

“Dr Winston is that ….”

“That, is your baby’s heartbeat Louis yes. And it’s a good, strong heartbeat too. Just a few more minutes, and then we’ll be done.”

Louis squeezes Zayn’s hand and lets a joyful little laugh bubble up out of his chest.

Zayn brings their joined hands up and kisses the back of Louis’s fingers. 

“Love you,” he says softly to the back of Louis’s hand. 

Louis smiles so hard that his face hurts with it.

“Love you, too.”

Dr Winston just smiles and studies the scan, giving the two of them as much privacy as he can while they listen to their baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

Being pregnant, Louis discovers fairly quickly, sucks. A lot. 

Well, he thinks, as he sits back on the sofa at the flat one day, that might be a slight exaggeration.

But not by much. He’s only 16 weeks along, and his back hurts, his hips hurt, he’s tired all the time and he’s just had such a spectacular meltdown that even Harry is tip-toeing around him, and usually Harry’s the one who can ignore Louis’s mood swings.

He’s seeing Ben - Dr Winston - every week to monitor the baby’s growth, and there are blurry scan pictures seemingly everywhere. Louis isn’t certain, but he thinks Harry might carry one from the 10-week scan around in his wallet.

Louis puffs out a breath and collapses back against the couch. He’s exhausted now and he rubs at his eyes, sensing Zayn approaching him slowly. Louis fights back the urge to bare his teeth at Zayn because Zayn’s been nothing but patient and wonderful and Louis …. well.

“Y’alright?” Zayn asks softly, sitting on the edge of the couch. Louis closes his eyes and lets the ambient noise of the flat - Liam and Dani chatting softly in the kitchen, Niall tapping away at something on Liam’s laptop - he even fancies he can hear Harry’s worried frown from the other end of the sofa.

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, turning to face Zayn. “Yeah,” he says. “M’alright. Ben boosted my hormones and it’s making me feel like I’m on a roller coaster all the time. S’exhausting.”

Zayn scoots closer to Louis on the sofa, which makes Louis grin and reach out his hand. “I’m only 16 weeks. How’m I going to get through this without everyone hating me?”

He feels the waver of tears in his voice and tries to blink them back, even as Zayn wraps him up in a tight cuddle. He then feels Harry’s hand low on his back, where it’s been hurting the most. Harry digs his fingers in, and when Louis just makes a contented noise into Zayn’s neck, Harry starts rubbing with intent, digging into a persistent knot.

“No one’s going to hate you babe, okay?” Zayn whispers in Louis’s ear. “I love you, we _all_ love you. You can be as moody as you like, yeah? S’not forever. And at the end of it …” Zayn trails off but moves on of his hands to slip under the front of Louis’s shirt, resting his fingers on Louis’s small bump, as Louis lets out a shameless groan when Harry’s fingers dig into the centre of the knot, working it loose.

That breaks the tension and Zayn laughs, pressing a kiss to Louis’s cheek before meeting Harry’s gaze over Louis’s shoulder. Harry’s grinning wide, his dimples are deep, and out of the corner of his eye, Zayn can see Niall looking at Harry with open fondness.

Zayn takes a breath, kisses Louis’s cheek again, and says, “Y’ want some ice cream babe? Some of that … whatever the hell concoction it is that Harry made for you?”

Louis perks up at that, his eyes lighting up and his face breaking out in a wide smile. “Yes please! And tell Liam and Dani that I’m done ranting - for now.”

Zayn laughs and kisses Louis’s cheek again as Harry digs into another knot in Louis’s back, making Louis’s eyes roll back in his head.

Everything isn’t perfect, but right now, Louis wouldn’t change anything for the world.

At 20 weeks, he’s hopping up and down in the waiting room of the doctor’s, fighting with his full bladder. Zayn’s scrolling through his phone, but he’s rubbing his free hand on the worn knee of his jeans and Louis knows that he’s nervous.

“Dr Winston won’t be long,” the receptionist says, giving Louis a sympathetic smile as he sits down and starts jiggling his knee until Zayn reaches his hand out to stop him, without taking his eyes off his phone.

“What’s so bloody important anyway?” Louis asks, his full bladder and Zayn not paying him attention making him irritable.

Zayn glances up then, alerted by Louis’s tone and smiles as he puts his phone in his pocket. “Nothing. Uh …. candy crush?”

Louis glares at him then, half-expecting Zayn’s hair to catch fire, when the receptionist says, “Dr. Winston is ready for you now. Go on back.”

“Thank _fuck_ ,” Louis exclaims, making a beeline for the back rooms. “I’m about to bloody burst! Come on, come on!!!”

Zayn follows slightly slower, making Louis turn around in the narrow corridor and frown at him. “What are you waiting for? Are you doing a spot of sight-seeing? My bladder is about to fucking burst through my stomach and you’re _dawdling_.”

Zayn holds up his hands in surrender and just says “Sorry,” knowing better than to pick a fight.

Louis just glares again and Zayn reaches out his hand, waiting patiently until Louis sighs and reaches back, winding their fingers together

“M’nervous,” he says, his voice quiet. “I mean, the scans always make me nervous but this one …”

Zayn nods and gives Louis’s hand a squeeze. “Yeah, I know. It’s exciting though, love, yeah? Gonna find out what we’re having!”

That seems to be the magic words, and Louis takes a breath and a small smile appears. “Yeah. That’s - yeah. C’mon then. Sooner we find out, sooner I can take a piss.”

“All charm you are,” Zayn mutters as Louis pulls him down the corridor to Dr Winston’s office. 

Zayn nearly collides with Louis’s back when Louis stands stock-still in the doorway. Zayn frowns and peers over Louis’s shoulder. “Louis what - “ but he’s drowned out by Louis untangling their fingers and throwing himself at - 

“El!!! oh my god, El! I thought you were dead, what are you doing here???”

Louis’s words are muffled as he wraps his arms around El’s shoulder and Zayn freezes in the doorway himself for a moment before rushing forward and wrapping his arms around them both.

El gently pushes them back, laughing. 

“Ben contacted me,” she explains quickly as Louis gets ready for his scan. Ben moves back and forth from the ultrasound silently, as El talks.

“We never worked together at the Facility but I was covering maternity one night at the hospital I used to work at when he was a consultant there. I became friends with him and his wife and before …. before I left, I gave him a contact number. I couldn’t let go of everything I guess, and when you showed up as his patient … he contacted me and convinced me to come back.”

Louis blinks and glances at Zayn who’s grinning and he just laughs because his life is a real roller coaster.

“Sorry to spring that on you,” Ben says as he spreads gel over Louis’s abdomen. “El wanted to surprise you.”

“ _El_.” Louis still can’t believe it. She’d been his only friend at the Facility, she’d saved his life, and how she’s _here_. El just grins down at him and says, “It’s good to see you too. You look great, Lou.” She pats above the smear of gel carefully, and she’s smiling, but her eyes are a little sad.

“Hey, don’t,” Louis says gently, taking her hand as Ben begins passing the wand over his stomach. Zayn moves to stand by Louis’s head so he can see the ultrasound more clearly and he winds an arm around El’s waist.

“It’s good, El, yeah? It’s okay. It’s - it’s great. I promise. Zayn’s - Zayn’s amazing and the baby is healthy and I have - everything and it’s because of you. So - don’t. Please?”

“Speaking of the baby,” Ben says, interrupting gently. “I believe you two wanted to know the sex?”

Louis takes a breath and looks up at Zayn, who grins down at him, his face looking lit from inside.

“Yeah,” Louis says without looking away from Zayn’s face, or letting go of El’s hand. “We do.”

“Well, I can tell you, since your baby isn’t at all shy, that you and Zayn are going to have a little girl. Congratulations!”

Louis can’t hear anything for a moment, there’s a roaring in his head, then Zayn is kissing him and El is jumping up and down and a _girl_ and - “That’s amazing, great and I hate to break up the party but I’m desperate for a wee.”

They have an impromptu party at the flat that night as El comes back with them, and Louis hands out pictures from the scan and tells everyone they’re having a girl. Liam and Dani cuddle together after hugging Louis and Zayn and Dani traces her finger over the blurry shape of the baby on the picture.

Harry sniffles a bit as Niall gently makes fun of him, but Niall also folds the picture carefully and tucks it into Harry’s wallet, whispering in his ear. 

El gets hugged, and hugged again by everyone and soon Harry’s in the kitchen, making pizza from scratch and drafting Niall as his sous chef.

They all crowd around the kitchen table, and Louis leans against Zayn, happy, and tired and sore and just - 

“Y’alright?”

Zayn’s voice is low, right against Louis’s ear, and it makes him shiver. The baby senses something and kicks at Louis.

Louis laughs and places his hand on his stomach, wondering when Zayn will be able to feel the little flutters and kicks he’s been feeling for the past couple of weeks.

Zayn puts his hand over Louis’s and they sit and watch their friends talking and laughing and celebrating and, well.

Everything is as close to perfect as Louis can imagine it; especially when Zayn pulls him to his feet a little while later and shamelessly drags him away to bed, after hugging El one last time, with the promise that yes, she will be there in the morning, she’s going to stay in Harry and Niall’s spare room.

Louis hugs her again, inhaling her familiar scent before following Zayn down the hallway to their room.

He closes the door and leans against it, taking in the chaos of it, now that they’re both living in there permanently; Louis’s old room being pressed into service as the nursery.

“We have a lot of stuff,” he says out of nowhere as Zayn presses against him gently, kissing him on the corner of his mouth. Zayn laughs softly and turns his head to look, shrugging.

“We do. I like it though. I like seeing all our stuff all mixed up.” He slides his hand under Louis’s shirt then, curving his fingers over the small bump that’s formed. 

Louis grins, he can’t help it, and kisses Zayn, much more thoroughly, until they’re both a bit breathless and Louis feels flushed down to Zayn’s hand, still resting on his stomach.

Zayn slides his hand out and tugs at Louis’s shirt. “C’mon, off, off,” he says, kissing Louis on the neck, biting down gently on the thin skin behind Louis’s ear.

Louis lets out a small whine as his shirt is pulled off and discarded, then Zayn works quickly to pull his trackies and underpants off, discarding them on the floor.

“Zayn - “ Louis bites his lip as his voice comes out high and choked as Zayn kisses him again and then again, his hands framing the curve of Louis’s stomach.

“C’mon babe, come to bed. Let me take care of you, yeah?”

Louis can only nod, watching as Zayn quickly strips off his own clothes. Louis reaches up, touching the tattoo on the back of Zayn’s neck; pressing his lips to it as Zayn fumbles in the bedside table for what he needs.

“Lie down babe, yeah?” Zayn tosses the bottle of lube on the bed and turns around to smile at Louis. 

Louis grins and settles himself on the bed, sprawling out as best as he can on the untidy sheets.

Zayn laughs and moves to hover over him, propping himself up on his arms.

“You’re gorgeous,” he says quietly, making Louis grin and shift about on the sheets; half-embarrassed, half-preening under the focus of Zayn’s attention. He reaches his hand up and tangles it in Zayn’s thick hair until Zayn gets the hint and kisses him again; long and filthy and full of promise.

“Fuck,” Louis says quietly as Zayn nips at his collarbone, licks over one of his nipples; presses his lips right at the centre of Louis’s bump.

“Hi, baby,” he says then, glancing up at Louis, who puffs out a laugh.

“You’re _ridiculous_ ”, he says, his voice full of nothing but love. Zayn just wrinkles his nose and goes back to pressing kisses over the bump, occasionally whispering something to it that Louis can’t hear.

He rolls his hips when it gets too much, when he’s so hard that he can’t think clearly any more, and all he has left is Zayn’s name in his mouth.

“Zayn, Zayn _please_ ” - Louis bites his lip as Zayn bites at his hip, making Louis buck up.

“I got you babe, you’re okay, I’ll take care of you…”

Louis fists his hands in the sheets, tangling the cotton between his fingers as Zayn slowly licks up his hard length, sucking the tip into his mouth and swirling his tongue around, tasting Louis’s pre-come.

“Z-Zayn please, Zayn - “

Zayn just closes his eyes and swallows all of Louis’s length, leaving him groaning and speechless. He grabs hold of the sheets and grips hard, biting his lip. He feels almost over-sensitive, and he hasn’t come yet, although he feels close.

Zayn pulls off slowly, and all Louis can do is stare at his mouth as he gropes for the lube, almost lost among the sheets

“Want you to ride me babe yeah? Want to see you …”

Louis swallows hard, but he nods, barely holding himself together. Zayn kisses his bump again, before shifting to kiss Louis on the mouth, soft and slow and sweet this time.

“Want to see your face, babe, watch you ride me, watch you come …”

Louis breathes out and groans against Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn opens him up slowly, occasionally kissing his stomach, or pressing his lips to the underside of Louis’s dick, making him groan and spread his legs, shameless in the depth of his need.

Louis flins an arm over his head, grateful suddenly that they’d had that bloody embarrassing talk with Ben about sex not hurting the baby, because he can’t imagine going nine months without this.

Zayn’s hands on him are gentle as he moves them into position, Louis above him. His hands are tight and secure on Louis’s hips as Louis guides himself down onto Zayn’s cock, biting his lip at the first near-painful stretch.

He digs his blunt fingernails into Zayn’s skin, leaving fingermarks behind as he rocks down slowly, feeling Zayn fill him up.

“Fuck, Zayn … so good …” 

“Yeah, babe, gorgeous, fuck, look at you …”

Louis lowers his head, and closes his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of Zayn inside him; of Zayn’s hands digging into his hips. It feels oddly timeless to Louis; as though they’re suspended in an infinite moment. 

He starts moving a little faster, digging his fingers in again as Zayn rolls his hips up, thrusting harder into Louis.

Louis leans down and kisses Zayn as hard as he can, trying to convey everything he feels but can’t put into words; how much he loves him; loves their life together; the life they’ve created together. Zayn meets him passion for passion, and Louis loves that there is someone like Zayn who knows him so well, and who loves him so much.

“M’close, Zayn, please I need, please - “

Zayn shushes him gently, even as he rocks up into Louis harder and harder, wrapping one hand around Louis’s neglected, leaking cock.

Louis groans into Zayn’s neck as he comes all over his hand and the swell of his own stomach. His blood is buzzing in his ears as he feels Zayn thrust up hard again, and again, biting on Louis’s collarbone as he comes, deep and hard.

Zayn’s hands are gentle on him again as he manoeuvres Louis down on to the bed beside him, after sliding out, so, so carefully. Louis looks down and grins when he sees the fingertip bruises on his hips, and the red marks from his own fingers on Zayn’s skin.

“I like it when you leave something of yourself behind,” he says almost shyly as Zayn kisses him. Louis loses himself to it for a moment, tangling his fingers again in Zayn’s thick hair.

“Already done that, babe,” Zayn says, kissing Louis’s stomach again. Louis lets out a small laugh, covering his mouth with his hand.

Zayn pushes Louis’s hair back from his head and Louis feels himself growing flushed under his scrutiny.

“Love you,” Louis says quietly, just to see the smile it brings out on Zayn’s face.

“Love you too,” Zayn says, just as quietly. “And you,” he says, bending down to press yet another kiss to Louis’s bump. “Love you both, baby.”

Louis is dozing by the time Zayn comes back from the bathroom with a damp face cloth and is only half-aware of Zayn cleaning him up. He shifts and mutters, burying his head in the pillow, making a contented noise when Zayn spoons up behind him, pressing one hand to the round of his stomach.

“Sleep, babe. Love you.”

Louis snuggles back, shamelessly tucking himself against Zayn’s front. He’s mostly asleep now, letting his post-orgasm high fuzzy into something warm and safe.

“Love you too,” he manages to mumble, before sleep takes him under.

The weeks roll on and Louis wonders just how _big_ he’s going to get.

He has to give up his job, reluctantly, though Ed tells him that it’ll be waiting for him when he’s ready to come back.

“Bring the wee one along,” Ed says, settling beside Louis on the couch and handing him one of the game controllers. He’s visiting with Taylor and Louis realises how much he’s missed both of them - Ed’s been like a quiet rock for Louis, and Taylor makes him smile. He’s 30 weeks pregnant now, feels like the size of a house, and seeing friends is one of the few things that can lift him out of his present mood.

“She won’t take up much space to start with, and you’ll be wanting some extra money.”

Louis nods and chooses his FIFA team, settling in for a long game as Taylor rolls her eyes and curls up in the armchair with her phone. Ed shoots her a grin and she pulls a face back at him, and then it’s game on.

Louis loses track of the time a little bit, Ed had closed the shop early so he and Taylor could keep Louis company while Zayn and the others were at work. Louis sighs and swears softly as Ed scores a goal. “Lucky shot,” he mutters, turning his attention back to the game.

It’s turned into an epic battle by the time Zayn gets home from the tattoo parlour, and Harry and Niall come over to cook dinner. Niall comes and watches for a bit, until Harry drags him off to the kitchen. By the time Liam and Dani get home, the flat smells like roast chicken, and they’ve drawn, 3-all.

“Good game!” Ed exclaims as he puts the controller down on the coffee table. “I demand a rematch soon, Tommo.”

Louis grins and feels better than he has in weeks as Zayn tucks himself in on Louis’s other side, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Louis turns his head to kiss him more fully on the mouth, and Zayn laughs. “Oh, now you see me then,” he says, teasing lightly.

“Sorry babe,” Louis murmurs, sighing as the baby kicks out at him. “Ow. Sorry, baby.”

Zayn smiles and puts his hand over the spot where she’d just kicked Louis. She does it again, battering against Zayn’s hand, which makes Zayn’s face light up, and Louis thinks he could just stay here forever.

Well. Until.

“Sorry, babe, I gotta pee. Again.”

Zayn pulls a face, but helps Louis up from the couch. Louis sighs and puts his hand over the now-large swell of his stomach. “You could lay off the bladder, kid. That’s all I’m saying. Just say no.”

He’s aware, vaguely of Harry telling Ed and Taylor that they should stay for dinner because he’s made enough food for a small army. The flat smells amazing, and Louis is starving, but first things first.

Dinner that night is noisy and warm, and full of everything that Louis loves - Harry’s roast chicken and vegetables; Zayn’s hand warm on his back, and his breath even warmer against Louis’s neck; Liam and Dani tucking up together, and Niall and Harry moving around each other without needing words. And Ed and Taylor being there, Ed making Taylor blush and giggle, and the rest of them laugh.

Louis looks around the table and he knows he’s grinning like an idiot, but he can’t help it. 

He picks up his glass of orange juice and tilts it to the middle, feeling self-conscious suddenly as silence falls.

“I just - I want to say - I love you all,” he says, his throat choked and tight with tears.

Slowly everyone else tilts their glasses towards Louis’s and it’s Niall, finally, who breaks the silence.

“To family,” he says, his voice low. Louis smiles at him and at Harry and at everyone as they all echo Niall’s toast.

Louis diligently goes to Ben’s clinic every week, where he’s weighed and measured and an ultrasound is taken of the baby.

Everything is going fine, Louis supposes - apart from the fact he feels hugely fat and hugely ugly, no matter how many times Zayn tells him he’s gorgeous, or fucks him boneless, or strokes over his ever-growing belly.

At least, that’s what Ben says until Louis is about 36 weeks along, and Ben asks him and Zayn to come into his inner office for a chat. Eleanor - who’s working for Ben now as a practice nurse - is invited too and sits on Louis’s other side. He reaches out for both Eleanor and Zayn, his heart racing.

“Is she. Is she all right, is she okay? Ben please -”

Ben pulls his chair away from his desk and sits down opposite Louis.

“She’s fine, Lou. It’s you I’m worried about at this point. The organs that were … surgically grafted are starting to break down. You’re not made for this, and the strain on your own organs - your kidneys and liver and heart - it’s going to get to be too much soon - for both of you. And the organs that are sustaining the baby - if they’re breaking down, that means … that means she has to come out Louis, and soon. Today, actually.”

Louis grips at Zayn’s hand, his heart racing suddenly. He’s aware distantly of Eleanor’s hand rubbing up and down his back, of her voice and he struggles for a moment but then he finds it, finds her rhythm and he matches his breath to hers. Zayn says nothing on his other side, but he squeezes Louis’s hand to let him know that he’s there.

Louis nods once he’s feeling a little better, smiling weakly as Eleanor hands him a cup of water.

“Small sips, babe. That’s it.”

“So - how does this work?” Zayn asks, his voice calm, and Louis finds himself clinging to that.

“I have an arrangement with a small private hospital not far from here. I have clients - celebrity clients - who want their reproductive health to stay out of the public eye, and this is where I take them. I’ve put it out already that I have a client with … particular eccentricities. I thought something like this might happen, as much as I hoped to get you to term. But Louis - for now, you’re healthy. If we get the baby out now, she’ll be healthy, okay? She’ll be a little bit small, that’s it. 

“Even so, nothing can happen here without your permission. I won’t ask if you’re ready for this, because you’ll never be ready for this - but this is you and your baby’s best shot.”

Louis nods mechanically. Most of Ben’s words have gone over his head, but he hears the last part loud and clear.. He turns his head to Zayn and smiles weakly.

“It’s a good thing your dad brought all that furniture over last weekend. Looks like we’re going to have a baby today.”

Zayn’s eyes fill with tears but he just nods and leans over, kissing Louis hard on the mouth. “Ya’lright?”

Louis almost laughs at the shape of the words against his mouth.

“Yeah,” he says softly, biting at Zayn’s bottom lip. “M’alright.”

He turns to Ben and grips El’s hand tight as Zayn draws in as close as he can.

“Okay,” he says, “let’s … have a baby.”

After that, everything happens in fast-forward. 

Ben has already cancelled his appointments for the next few days, and his receptionist calmly fields calls, giving Louis a hug and wishing him luck. “And here - “ she says, taking Louis’s phone and tapping on it. “My number, love. If you need any help, any at all you call me. Had four of me own, and I’ve got seven grandchildren. Any time, you hear me?”

Louis turns and hugs her hard for a second. “Thank you,” he whispers, overwhelmed.

She just pats him on the arm and then they’re off. The hospital is small and discreet and it doesn’t take much at all to get Louis on the fifth floor, tucked into a private room. He doesn’t want to think about how much it all costs, but Ben just waves it off.

“Don’t think about it, Louis. Call it … me making it up to you. I still feel like I failed you. Now, come on, let’s get this show on the road, yeah?”

Louis nods, and seeks out Zayn’s eyes. Zayn looks as scared as Louis feels, but he still smiles as big as ever and Louis knows then, that they’re all going to be okay. 

He’s wheeled quietly into surgery by Liam, who’s come rushing down with Dani, both waving away Louis’s protests about their jobs.

“If you think I’m letting you go and have this baby without me Louis Tomlinson, you are very much mistaken,” Liam says. “Besides, it’s such a small surgical team, Ben needs all the help he can get. Harry and the others will come down when we have news. If Niall can keep Harry away for that long.”

Louis finds it in himself to laugh, even though it sounds weak and thready. Zayn is beside him all the way to the operating theatre, pulled away by El outside the doors.

“Gotta get him scrubbed up, Lou. Sterile environment. He’ll be back with you in a minute, I promise.”

Louis just nods and he’s left with the faint impression of Zayn’s lips on his cheeks. 

“Well,” he says to Liam “here we go.”

He’s vaguely aware of the anesthetist - Ben’s wife, Louis thinks - telling him quietly to sit still for the epidural. Then his legs spark up and go numb, he’s wearing an oxygen mask and - _Zayn_ \- Louis reaches out and Zayn tangles their fingers together - and then, and then - 

He’s aware that he’s holding his breath when Ben says “Okay, good, Louis - I’ve got her. Hello, baby. Got a cry for me?”

Louis grips Zayn’s hand impossibly tighter, pushing his mouth against the oxygen mask, which feels suddenly suffocating and then and then - 

The baby’s cry is so loud and sudden, that Louis can feel Zayn jump next to him.

He watches as Ben and El take her over to a table in the corner, cleaning her off and checking for - Louis knows that Ben’s told him what he’ll be checking for, but he can’t _remember_ and she’s crying and it’s the best sound Louis has ever heard.

He can’t stop smiling as he watches El gently deposits the baby in Zayn’s hands and Louis wishes he could take a picture of that - of the look on Zayn’s face, but he realises suddenly that someone has beaten him to it, and there’s Ben’s wife with Zayn’s phone, and she’s taking pictures and grinning.

Zayn looks over at Louis and brings the baby to him, gently angling them both down so Louis can stroke his hand over her head. He grins at Zayn and strokes over her head again, feeling the soft strands of her hair - black already like Zayn’s - and the shape of her skull.

“Is she - is she alright?” 

“She’s perfect,” Ben says quietly as Louis strokes over the baby’s tiny fingers, fascinated by her even more tiny fingernails.

“She’s a little small, and we’ll keep you both here for a few days, but other than that - perfect.”

Louis is moved into recovery beside the operating theatre and Liam takes the baby from Zayn gently, placing her beside Louis on the bed. She’s wrapped up tight with one hand up by her face clenched in a tiny fist.

Zayn crouches down with a cup of ice chips that he patiently feeds to Louis who hadn’t realised how dry his mouth was.

“She looks ready to take on the world already,” Zayn says, grinning at Louis.

“You’re amazing. I love you so much.”

Louis tilts his face up for a kiss and sighs. “Love you too.”

“How’re your legs feeling, Louis? You all right?”

Liam hovers, looking tired but soothing and Louis nods. “Little dizzy is all. Feeling’s coming back in my legs though.”

“S’good. I’ve managed to convince the others to come in tomorrow afternoon - we’re going to have to monitor you hourly overnight - it’s standard Lou, don’t look at me like that - and then you’ll be wanting some sleep.”

Louis nods, looking down at the baby again.

“Feels like a dream,” he says softly to Zayn who nods in agreement, placing his hand gently over the baby’ head.

“Yeah,” he says. “Does a bit.”

He’s wheeled back to his room after a while, his arms curved protectively around the baby. There’s a perspex crib by the hospital bed and the room is full of flowers and the biggest, pinkest teddy bear Louis has ever seen.

“Harry,” Zayn and Louis say at the same time. Zayn takes the baby and puts her in the crib, turning to El for help with settling her down. Liam helps Louis on to his own bed, and Louis feels, finally that he’s safe.

“Have you thought of a name?” Eleanor asks from the side of the bassinet. Louis looks at Zayn who smiles back at him.

“Yeah, um. Isa. It means generous.” Zayn shrugs under El’s beaming smile. Louis reaches out his hand for Zayn’s and slots their fingers together.

“Isa Eleanor Malik Tomlinson. Her full name is longer than she is,” Louis says, biting his lip as El stares at him, her eyes round. “Is that - is that okay?”

“Lou. _Louis_.” El glances at the baby, sleeping now, and bites her lip. “I don’t know what to say …”

“I wouldn’t be here without you, El, yeah? We love you and we want to make sure Isa knows how much you matter to us.”

El comes around to the other side of the bed, wrapping her arm around Zayn’s shoulder and leaning in to kiss Louis’s cheek.

“I love you both - love you all so much. And - and thank you.”

Louis sighs and settles back against his pillow, knowing Liam will be in soon with painkillers and a blood pressure cuff, and that tomorrow his room will be full of his family, and it will be nearly impossible to get Isa out of Harry’s hands.

Zayn pulls up a chair to the side of Louis’s bed, where he can see both Louis and Isa, sleeping away.

“Y’alright?” he says quietly, squeezing Louis’s hand.

“Yeah,” Louis says, his voice thick with fatigue, and love and something eternal that he can never name. “M’alright.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat/hang out/ask me things ...
> 
> twitter: https://twitter.com/janesgravity  
> tumblr: http://janesgravity.tumblr.com/


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